Texas 66, Kansas 14

After watching Texas quarterback Vince Young and the Texas Longhorns hang 66 points on the Kansas Jayhawks and their very vociferous and morbidly obese head coach, Mark Mangino, I felt it unnecessary to track Vince down and ask him the kinds of questions nobody cares about. Anyway, I caught up with the Heisman-caliber QB and below are some excerpts from the interview in a little piece I'm calling...

By 54Beat Writer

54b: Yo Vince, can I axe you some questions?

VY: Only if you promise to stop acting like Vanilla Ice.

54b: Well I do rock the mike like a vandal but okay, we'll do it your way...Vince, a lot has been made about your anger over Coach Mangino's comments after last year's game and using those comments as motivation to go out and absolutely demolish Kansas. Why did you feel, as you put it, "disrespected?"

VY: When somebody talks about your coaches and players, it's like someone talking about your mother.

54b: Speaking of, how in the world did Mangino's mom ever survive childbirth? Do you think Mangino had to punch his way out of the womb like Chuck Norris did?

VY: Come again?

54b: Never mind. Anyway, you must have been pretty angry to hang half-a-hundred on the Jayhawks in the first half alone. Tell me, did you ever imagine that Mangino was that car that hit you when you were kid? I mean they are about the same size and all.

VY: No, I was just trying to spread the ball around, get as many of my teammates involved as I could.

54b: Nice. After the game, did you shake Mangino's hand?

VY: I tried to, but he was looking at me funny and mumbling something about "get in my belly" or something. So I gave him the two-step and headed for the locker room.

54b: Sweet, just like little Nicky Reid from last year.

VY: Nah, Nick's a good player. Kansas has a good team and they play really hard.

54b: Right. Okay, last question. How much would Mangino weigh if he was on the moon?

VY: I don't know, about 1/6 of what he weighs now.

54b: Sorry, that's incorrect. It was a trick question. Mangino is the moon.

VY: Um, okay...look, I gotta run.

54b: Thanks Vince. By the way, who do want to face in the Big XII Championship: Colorado, Mizzou or Iowa State?

VY: Can't think about that right now, we're concentrating on...

The best way I can describe UT's rivalry with Texas A&M of late is to liken it to a dormant volcano. It's not extinct, but there sure aren't any signs of explosive activity on the horizon. Texas has won five straight and eight of the last ten meetings with the Aggies and most of the games haven't exactly been close.

In 2002, long-time A&M head coach RC Slocum stepped down (probably a couple years too late) and Dennis Franchione took the reigns with a proven track record for winning via TCU and Alabama. Most Aggie fans figured it was only a matter of time before their beloved team was competing for division and conference championships again. But that certainly hasn't been the case.

Besides an invite to the Cotton Bowl after last season (thanks to Texas'
at-large BCS invite), Franchione's tenure in College Station has been marred with inconsistent play, questionable losses and several embarrassing off-the-field incidents committed by his players, many of which involved the police.

Despite the return of senior quarterback Reggie McNeal, a high-powered offense and playing a schedule filled with plenty of beatable teams, A&M has struggled to a 5-5 record this season, starting with a one-point loss on a last-second field goal at Clemson. Franchione's decision not to go for two earlier in the 4th quarter against the Tigers could have been a difference maker, and he was strongly criticized by Aggie fans and the media alike for the gaffe. The negative backlash foreshadowed a season of disappointment and unfulfilled expectations.

Regardless of A&M's poor performance to date, the Longhorns would be making a big mistake to overlook the Aggies. When A&M's fans get into the game, Kyle field is the toughest place to play in the Big XII. The longer teams allow A&M to hang around, the harder it becomes to put them away. Oklahoma had the Aggies down 28-0 and barely hung on for 36-30 victory last week.

There's still some fight left in this Aggie team and the last thing Texas needs to do is give A&M a reason to believe they can win and the fans an excuse to stay standing and screaming.

That being said, with their talent and depth, if Texas goes right to work like they did against Baylor and Kansas, they can take the crowd out of the game and win easily. Rivalry or not, this game shouldn't be close. The only intangible going into the game is which quarterback A&M will start. Will McNeal be back after an injury sufferend in the OU game, or will the freshman upstart Steven McGee take over. Regardless, Chizik and the Texas defense will be able to adjust to either and make life extremely tough on the Aggie offense. And once Vince and the boys get rolling, I'm not sure there's a defense in college football right now that can stop the Longhorn offense.

As for the score, the silent majority has spoken and, back by unpopular demand, I give you the...


"The Thanksgiving Song" (Adam Sandler style)

Love to beat Aggies. Love to beat A-a-a-gies!!!

Love to beat Aggies cause it's good,
love to beat Aggies like a good Horn should,
'cause they're Aggies....they whoop....how rude

Aggies lost five, just lost to OU,
Their offense stinks, so does the Wrecking Crew
Love to beat those Aggies in College Station,
Freshmen report to Fish camp for indoctrination.

Aggies like to stand all game long,
Texas is favored, Vegas can't be wrong
Aggie-faggie foo and Aggie-faggie fat,
A&M once had an LB whose name is Dat.

Thanksgiving is a special night,
If you yell TEXAS, I'll yell FIGHT,
that's RIGHT.

Aggies have a coach, Franchione is his name,
Can't believe he didn't go for two in the Clemson game,
Watching the game, drinking a Bud,
can't believe Old Sarge looks like Elmer Fudd.

Offense, Defense, we just can't lose,
I bet Vincent Young wears Superman Underroos
Aggies on the run from dawn to early morn',
It'll never be over 'till Gabriel blows his horn.

Beat those Aggies - put 'em 6 feet deep,
Poor Aggies like to fornicate with their sheep,
A&M's uniforms are maroon and white,
Texas is going back to Pasadena if they win outright.

Oh, Aggies in the corps are called the noble men of Kyle,
But they're about as close to real soldiers as Gomer Pyle
Gobble gobble goo and gobble gobble Gig'em,
I don't like those Aggies and I hope we beat'em

Oh, Texas loves to beat Aggies on Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Futile Farmers 16

Kick-off for the last regular season game against the Aggies (excuse me, Agro-Americans) has been set for next Friday at 11 am (Brunch of Champions). This will be my 5th trip to College Station (Frantasy Land) and I can tell you from experience ("Green Acres ain't the place for me"), the A&M campus and area around Kyle Field (Pet Cemetery) are not exactly what I'd call a tailgater's paradise (prohibition conditions). I don't know if it's the conservative slant of the university (righty-tighties) or it it's because the game is played the day after Thanksgiving (John Smith no trade fire water), but the Aggies ("whoop, there it isn't") just don't seem to be as into the pre-game party scene (tail-negaters) as their Longhorn counterparts (we drink spirits, yes we do). So if you're planning on tailgating (thinking of drinking), I recommend you pack a cooler (only the essentials: beer, jerky, cheese whiz and beer) and find a spot in one of the lots (The Farmer's Park-it) on the edge of campus ("Where The Wild Things Are").

Uttered by some obnoxious, loudmouth (probably drunk) fan sitting in section 30 behind the Kansas bench during the second quarter..."HEY MANGINO, WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR A KLONDIKE BAR?!!!"



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