11.13.2004

Texas 27, Kansas 23

One week after making the greatest comeback win in Texas football history, the Longhorns overcame a 10-point deficit in the last seven minutes, including a game winning touchdown with 11 ticks left, to avoid taking the most pathetic loss in Texas football history (Rice Game, circa 1994, still tops the list). Despite the Horn's heroic efforts, last Saturday's win over the 3-7 Jayhawks will be remembered less for the climatic 4th quarter comeback and more for Mark Mangino's allegations at the post game press conference where he accused Big XII officials of conspiring against the Jayhawks to preserve UT's chances at receiving a BCS bowl invite. Though Mangino later apologized for his BCS conspiracy comments, many in the coaching community and press corps were quick to discredit his statements as baseless, thus making the corpulent Kansas Head Coach look more like...

THE HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPO-CRIT

No doubt the offensive pass interference call against the Jayhawks with time running out in the 4th quarter was bogus and kept Texas' extremely slim Fiesta Bowl hopes alive, but before the morbidly obese Mangino tries to sell the rights to anymore of his "Bowl Conspiracy Series" theories to Oliver Stone, he might want to try explaining:

- Why the Horns were flagged for nearly 100 more yards of penalties (including a 15-yarder for taunting after a stadium vendor yelled "HOT DOGS" behind Mangino and the Kansas bench in the third quarter.)

- Why the refs consistently awarded Kansas receivers with very questionable pass receptions (after Mangino was overheard telling the side-judge that he looked so good he ought to sop him up with a biscuit.)

- Why the Jayhawks were in the wrong defense when Texas converted a very difficult 4th and 18 with one minute left in the game (while at the very same time the mouthpiece on Mangino's headset was inexplicably wedged between the coach's 4th and 5th chins.)

- And speaking of inexplicable phenomena, I'd like to ask Mr. Mangioplasty just how in the world of modern medical miracles did the paramedics ever find the vein in his forearm to start the cream-filling IV and prevent him from having a heart attack while coaching the latter parts of that game? Most of us were stressed out of our minds just watching it.

Ironically, perhaps the most damaging evidence against Mangino's accusations is the simple fact that given the present standings and Bowl Championship Series rules, the Longhorns would not be invited to a BCS Bowl whether they beat the Jayhawks or not. Texas has already been eliminated from Big XII Title contention and with Cal and Utah comfortably in line for the at-large bids, hope for anything above a Cotton Bowl invite is fading fast. But whether or not Texas has the right to complain about a potential BCS snub is moot until the Horns win...

THE NEXT GAME

The fighting farmers of Aggieland invade Austin next Friday for the annual day after Turkey-Day tilt and unlike the past four years, Texas A&M enters the game sporting a 7-3 record and ranked in the Top 25. With their win against Tech last Saturday, A&M is now in line for a Cotton Bowl invite if Texas goes to a BCS Bowl and they can start packing their bags for Dallas with a win over the Horns. Even though UT would still have a better record even with a loss to the Ags, Texas would most likely end up in the Alamo Bowl as the Cotton and Holiday Bowls have no interest in hosting the Horns again anytime soon. Such are the harsh realities of college football. Every game counts. So will Longhorn fans still be dreaming of the Fiesta Bowl or making plans to see Shamu at Fiesta Texas? More on that in the...

UNPREDICTABLE PREDICTION

Back by unpopular demand, I give you...

"The Thanksgiving Song" (if Adam Sandler were a Longhorn)

Love...to...beat Aggies. Love to beat A-a-a-gies!!!

Love to beat Aggies cause it's good,

love to beat Aggies like a good Horn should,

'cause they're Aggies....they whoop...how rude

Aggies lost three, Utah, Baylor and OU?

Their offense stinks, so does the Wrecking Crew

Love to beat those Aggies from College Station,

Freshmen report to Fish camp for indoctrination.

Aggies like to stand all game long,

Texas is favored, Vegas can't be wrong

Aggie-faggie foo and Aggie-faggie fat,

A&M once had an LB whose name was Dat.

Thanksgiving is a special night,

If you yell TEXAS, I'll yell FIGHT,

that's RIGHT.

Aggies have a coach, Franchione is his name,

Can't believe the Aggies lost the Baylor game,

Watching the game, drinking a Bud,

can't believe Old Sarge looks like Elmer Fudd.

Offense, Defense, we just can't lose,

I bet Vincent Young wears Superman Underroos

Aggies on the run from dawn to early morn',

It'll never be over till Gabriel blows his horn.

Beat those Aggies - put'em 6 feet deep,

Poor Aggies like to fornicate with their sheep,

A&M's uniforms are maroon and white,

Texas might go to the BCS if it wins outright.

Oh, Aggies in the corps are called the noble men of Kyle,

But they're about as close to real soldiers as Gomer Pyle

Gobble gobble goo and gobble gobble Gig'em,

I don't like those Aggies and I hope we beat'em

Oh, Texas loves to beat Aggies on Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everybody.

TEXAS 46, Agro-Americans 26

TAILGATE UPDATE

Kick-off against Texas A&M (Agronomy Final) is set for 2:30pm at Royal Memorial (Swaying Strictly Prohibited). So if you Longhorn faithful (Anti-Aggites) can manage to wake up after all that Turkey (Triptophane gravy train), stop on by the tailgate (el puerto esta ajar) where Whitteomore and the Gang (Purveyors o'pork) will have their own assortment of meats (a veritable carn-icopia) from the grill available for your consumption (G-eat some!). And please (ooh, he said the magic word) don't forget to donate a couple of bucks for the effort (it's Thanksgiving, not Thanks-taking).

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

"Whoa, who is that big guy?"

"It's the Kansas Coach, he's upset about the game."

"Well, he'll feel better when he eats something."

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