10.30.2004

Texas 31, Colorado 7

Despite showing signs of regression with a couple of first quarter slip ups only Freud could explain, Young got is Id together in time to help Ced, aka Mr. 5000, get a few extra rushing yards and a couple of TDs on the way to a 31-7 stampeding of the Buffs. Along with UT's version of Mr. Outside and Mr. Break-Inside, let's not forget about DJ and the Texas Defense, who purified the Colorado offense allowing only 13 total rushing yards. Evidentially, Gary Barnet was so impressed with his visit to College Station and A&M head coach Obi-Fran Kenobe, that he too went Jedi mind-trick or treating on his players and stripped their names off the back of their jerseys. And got similar results I might add. I guess it's true what they say, "you could learn a lot from a Dummy and an Aggie." Anyway, this latest venture into team solidarity gimmicks got me to thinking, what kind of things might Coach Brown have done to make his team play with One Heartbeat. So without any further do-do, I give you...

MACK'S TOP 10 TEAM UNIFICATION EXPERIMENTATIONS

10) During two-a-days, surprised the players with "Kicker-Linebacker Helmet Swap Day."

9) Used real life Bevo to have team play "Pin the tail on the Longhorn."

8) Had the wide receivers catch Strength and Conditioning Coach Jeff "Mad Dog" Madden in the trust fall.

7) Organized a "Lock-in" for entire team down at the Travis County Jail while Bensen served time for a breaking and entering conviction.

6) Asked each player to write a letter to Santa requesting a new offensive coordinator, a BCS Bowl Bid and a lump of coal for Bob Stoops.

5) Instead of wind sprints, ordered team to do the 100-yard elephant walk.

4) Took the team to see the movie "Bad News Bears Go To Japan." (Sorry, that was team building at Baylor.)

3) Dressed entire offensive line in only a pair of shoes, a T-shirt and a jock strap for trip to Whataburger to test the "No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service" policy.

2) Two words: Community Soap.

And last but certainly least, Mack's number one team unification experimentation...

1) Had equipment manager type each player into the "Pimp Name Generator" at www.playerappreciate.com and replace their last names with their new "pimp names" on the back of their jerseys. (For example, Vince Young will now be called "Treacherous V. Slim." However, please note that Limas Sweed will still go by Limas Sweed.)

THE NEXT GAME

Okay, let's get this straight: the same Oklahoma State team that came within a field goal of taking the #2 ranked Sooners into overtime last weekend also got manhandled at home by the same A&M team that got mauled by the endangered Black Bears of Baylor. OSU or O-S-Who, I don't know. What I do know is the Cowboys feature one of the nation's premier running backs, an anemic passing game Vince could be proud of and a coach that likes to motivate his players through the media. Add it all up and you've got a big bag of nothin'. How much do the Pokes have left in their tank after last week and is the Longhorn defense for real? Find out in the...

UNPREDICTABLE PREDICTION

After hearing the results of Oklahoma's ban on gay marriage law, Les Miles resigns immediately to coach Tight-Ends for the Rainbow Warriors of Hawaii.

Texas 38, Still-water-boys 17

TAILGATE UPDATE

This weekend Whittemore and the gang (Jac Street Boys) have decided to turn the tailgate into a fundraiser (ooh, "soft" money) to help benefit a non-profit organization called "Forgotten Friends" (Where's Bill W?) and their cause to rescue Mixed Breed dogs (I like big mutts, and I can not lie). There will be some puppies (babe magnets) on hand in need of finding a good home ("We must protect this doghouse") and a raffle featuring items ("it takes balls") signed by none other than Cedric Benson (could be a flat screen) and Earl Campbell (he signed my sausage). 100% of the proceeds ("I'm all in") will go directly for heartworm treatments, spay/neuter (sterility now), food, and basic health care for dogs who would otherwise be put to sleep ("Fido don't play that"). And per the usual (fear change), there will be a lot of great food ("well I am what I eat") prepared by the exceptional chefs (guilty gourmets) and beer provided by Saint Arnold Brewing Company ("do you believe in miracles"). So please stop by the tailgate (Orangapalooza) before the Oklahoma State game (better Cowboy-up) and help support our four-legged friends (lend a paw won't you).

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

"Did you hear the good news, Ralph Nader finally conceded this morning."

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