Texas 51, Texas Tech 21
After watching the Longhorns take the little Red Raiders behind the woodshed last Saturday night, don't you just know I had to turn the dial to 1340 KKAM - Lubbock SportsTalk Radio for another intoxicating edition of...
COACHSPEAK WITH MIKE LEACH
"Shooter Johnson back wit ya, and joining me on the Texas Tech post game show is Red Raider Head Coach Mike Lush."
"That's Leach you (beep)hole."
"Pardon me, he-he, uh, well Coach, that was quite a drowner- I mean downer you had tonight."
"Yes, it was. Right now, we're not a team that's mentally tough enough to draw from success and build on it, we want to take something and coast."
"Not TOAST, COAST you idiot. Instead of playing hard, my players wanted to coast around and look at the other guy and see what he was going to do, they're just a bunch of sheep looking around staring at one another."
"Yeah, I hear ya, just like the other night when the po-lice raided my buddy
Delbert's meth laboratory, it was on COPS the other night. Maybe you saw it?"
"Oh yeah sure, never miss an episode."
"I thought so (hick-up), anyway speaking of bad boys, bad boys...Coach, why did that ref go and throw the yellow hanky atcha in the 3rd like that?"
"I can't exactly comment on the refs. I'll just say that I was trying to fire my team up. Right now we're not tough enough to step up there and play to our ability because all we want to do is talk about what happened against
"Speaking of soft, this portion of the show brought to you by our good friends from Levitra who want me to remind you that, um...remind you that, um...where the hell is that page? Um, ah (beep), you guys out there that need a little more boom-boom in the bedroom, pop in a couple of them Lay-vitra pills...right Coach?"
"Somebody kill me now."
"Oh yeah, and guys, if your woodrow lasts longer than four quarters, better get yourself to a hospital or a massage parlor or Mexico or something, ah hell, I can't remember...anyway back to the show. Coach, what do say we take some calls?"
"Anything to shut you up."
"Right (hick-up), JimmyJoe in Sweetwater, you're on wit the Coach."
"Hey Coach Leach I'm in trouble something fierce. I bet all the child support money on you bums cuz that Huffman feller said you'd win against them Longhorns. So you better tell Antonio what for cuz my baby mamma's looking to kill me."
"Oh that's rich. Well at least you don't have to worry about my players talking to the media anymore. They can't handle the spotlight. Any positive thing written about them, they believe it times 10."
"Coach, I didn't know they could read..."
"Shut up Shooter."
"Right...okay, we got time for one more chaser- I mean caller. BettyLou on line two, you're on wit the coach."
"Coach this here's BettyLou over at Big Earl's Gun Range and Petting Zoo and we just want you to know that all the girls over at the Bingo table are still behind you and the boys."
"Well that's nice BettyLou, I'll let the team know and do you have question for me?"
"No, but JimmyJoe, if you're listening, YOU BETTER GET MY MONEY YOU DOG!!!"
"That's it Shooter, I quit, you people are gonna drive me to drink..."
"Hold on, I'll get my keys. Coach, where ya going, wait for me... well guess this wraps up another round of HoochSpeak, I mean Coachspeak, I'm your host Shooter Johnson reminding you to drink before you think. I mean, ah hell, I don't know..." - OFF
Disturbingly enough, most of the quotes attributed to Coach Leach above were taken straight from his post game press conference where it should be noted that he was the lone speaker. After Leach barred his players from talking to the media, which he probably should have done after the
As for the game, wow, didn't see that coming. I guess Antonio Huffman (Tech DB who guaranteed a victory last week) picked the wrong week to mess with
And speaking of Coaches named Greg, how about Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood where the Texas DB's worked the zone defense to perfection and were just knockin' the chocolate out of those Tech receivers all night. One of the announcers on the telecast even made the comment that one of the Tech wideouts was getting into the fetal position before catching a ball because he knew he was about to get tattooed. But probably the best moment in the game happened after some spare Tech receiver scored a meaningless TD late in the game and started talking trash only to have Phillip Geiger come up and tap him on the shoulder and point at the scoreboard. That was classic. Too bad most of the Tech fans missed it because they'd already departed the stadium before the end of the 3rd quarter. Worse than that, not long after the rivalry refugees mass exodus, more classlessness ensued deep in Red Raider territory when Tech linebacker John Saldi illegally chop blocked Texas offensive lineman Will Allan. Allan was standing straight up and down blocking a Tech D-Lineman when Saldi came crashing into his elongated leg collapsing Will's knee and taking him out the game. Not surprising though from a team whose motto is "if you can't beat'em, cheat'em." Anyway let's hope Will's ready for...
THE NEXT GAME
Bevo vs. Ralphie - The battle of the hooven quadrupeds continues. The last time
Since the debacle,
"Long Horn no smok'em peace pipe with Tatonka. Tatonka scared. Tatonka run hide. Long Horn just stand there, take big crap. Tatonka no where hide. Long Horn get mad. Fire cannon. No more Tatonka."
Playing the Buffaloes (Rohypnotists) on the road is by far my favorite away game (its road-rageous). From the weather (it's cool) to Folsom Field to the bars on "the Hill" (fetch a pail of ale),
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
"Why not us?" - Red Sox Nation
(Coming soon to a TX/OU T-shirt near you.)