11.15.2003

Texas 43, Texas Tech 40

As many of you are well aware, Texas Tech's extremely unpredictable head coach, Mike Leach, is known almost as much for going for it on 4th down as he is for his penchant for alcoholic beverages. So after watching his team fall just short of pulling off a monumental upset down in Austin last weekend, you just know I had to tune into another edition of:

COACHSPEAK

"This is 1340 KKAM - Lubbock SportsTalk radio. We now join the Texas

Tech post game show in progress.....

"Shooter Johnson back wit ya and joining me on CoachSpeak is Red Raider head coach Mike Lush."

"That's Leach you (beep)hole"

"Pardon me, he-he, uh, well coach, you almost beat those Longhorns. That was quite a drowner, I mean downer you had tonight."

"Yes, it was. My boys played their hearts out and deserved to win that game. The offense played as well as I've ever seen them play and the defense never quit. I guess we just ran out of time."

"Yeah, I know the feeling, just like when the bartender yells Last Call."

"No, you son of a (beep). I meant with a little more time we could have won that game."

"Oh yeah, of course. I knew that...what do you say we take a call – JimmyJoe in Sweetwater, you're on wit the coach" -

"Uh yeah, Coach Leach, um, I've got two questions. First, why did you go for it on 4th down so deep in your own territory and, um, can you touch your nose right now?"

"Listen you little punk, you try winning with a defense ranked 117th in thecountry. I'd like to see how you handle it."

"Speaking of handles, let's pause for a moment to see some identific- I mean station identification and this announcement from our friends down at the Beer Barn."

"....all right, we're back with Coach Hooch on LeachSpeak, I mean Coach Leach on Hoochspeak, ah hell I mean CoachSpeak, give me the next chaser, I mean caller. BettyLou on line 2, you're on wit the coach" -

"Hi Coach Leach, this BettlyLou from down the street. I just wanted you to know that me and all the ladies down at Bob's Gun & Bingo Club have been behind you all the way. You giv'em hell, ya hear."

"Well that's very nice BettyLou. You got a question for me?"

"I sure do, if it's not too much trouble, could you try not to hit our trash cans again when you come home tonight? My husband Burt, he can't pick'em up anymore on account of his hernia actin' up and all...."

"That's it, I'm outa here. You people are going to drive me to drink."

"Hold on, I'll get my keys. Coach, where ya going, wait for me... well I guess that wraps up another round of CoachSpeak, I'm Shooter Johnson reminding you to drink when you think. Sobriety is an accident just waiting to happen, I mean, ah hell, I don't know, (beep)....." - OFF

TAKE A CHANCE ON MOCK

"Is anybody really buying this whole bit (playing Chance Mock) about giving Vincent a "chance" to rest? I feel bad for Mock, he comes off the bench cold, the O-line isn't accustomed to his cadence, and if he doesn't drive the team down the field and score a touchdown, the whole experiment is considered a failure." Oh yeah, I admit it, I wrote those very words barely in last weeks commentary. And as usual, I'm an idiot. But before you stone me, let's be honest, with two minutes left in the game and the Horns trailing by 5, how many of us actually said "oh yeah, that's a good move" when Mack Brown made the gutsiest call of his career and put Mock in? Yeah, me neither. Looking back, it really was the right move. Vincent was having a hard time reading Tech's zone coverage and despite his speed, with two minutes and only one timeout left, a running game just wasn't what the Horns needed. Give Mack credit for making the call and upgrade Mock's status to "Back-up Cum Laude" for coming up huge and saving the season. After all the hype leading up to that game about the Horns getting a shot at a BCS bowl, I think we would have had a riot on our hands if Texas had lost. After coming up short the last five years, it's good to know our BCS dreams are still alive. Mack's big call leads me to believe he's got more job security than he lets on. But after watching our defense suffer the same indignation at the hands of the Red Raiders as it did a year ago, I'd say we've seen the last of Carl Reese. All year, Texas has played poorly against quarterbacks who can read the blitz and throw with accuracy. I think it's naïve when people say that the game has past a coach by, but in Reese's case, I think it may have. Fortunately for Texas, they'll face an offense that couldn't move the ball with a U-Haul in...

THE NEXT GAME

What else is there to say about Dennis Franchione and the Aggies but, my, how the mighty have fallen. Texas A&M has lost seven games (worst since '81), OU obliterated them 77-0 on national TV and to top it all off, according to police reports, a female student at A&M has charged a player with indecent exposure and lewd acts in a campus parking lot last week. I'll let you use your imagination, but let's just say the coed wasn't a fan of the old penis puppeteer act. But I digress...

Even at 4-7, Kyle field is still never an easy place to play, especially playing against an Aggie team with nothing to lose. With a BCS invitation hanging in the balance, Texas will have to take the notoriously loud Kyle Field crowd out of the game early. They can do so my by playing lock down defense and moving the chains consistently on offense. Clock management and turnovers will be key. I don't look for this game to be a total blow out, but if the Horns focus, they shouldn't have to struggle. For more on that, here's the...

UNPREDICTABLE PREDICTION

In honor of Turkey day, here's a 54b annual tradition...

"The Thanksgiving Song" (if Adam Sandler was a Longhorn)

Love to beat Aggies. Love to beat A-a-a-gies!!!

Love to beat Aggies cause it's good,

love to beat Aggies like a good Horn should,

'cause they're Aggies....they suck....not good

Aggies lost seven, just lost to Mizzou,

Their offense sucks, so does the Wrecking Crew

Love to beat those Aggies in College Station,

Freshmen report to Fish camp for indoctrination.

Aggies like to stand all game long,

Texas is favored, Vegas can't be wrong

Aggie-faggie foo and Aggie-faggie fat,

A&M once had an LB whose name is Dat.

Thanksgiving is a special night,

If you yell TEXAS, I'll yell FIGHT,

that's RIGHT.

Aggies have a coach, his name's Franchione,

Can't believe that player got busted spanking the bologna pony,

Watching the game, drinking a Bud,

can't believe Old Sarge looks like Elmer Fudd.

Offense, Defense, we just can't lose,

I bet Vincent Young wears Superman Underroos

Aggies on the run from dawn to early morn',

It'll never be over till Gabriel blows his horn.

Beat those Aggies - put'em 6 feet deep,

Poor Aggies like to fornicate with their sheep,

A&M's uniforms are maroon and white,

Texas is going to the BCS if it wins outright.

Oh, Aggies in the corps are called the noble men of Kyle,

But they're about as close to real soldiers as Gomer Pyle

Gobble gobble goo and gobble gobble Gig'em,

I hate those Aggies and I hope we beat'em

Oh, Texas loves to beat Aggies on Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

UT 38, ATM 16

TAILGATE UPDATE

Kick-off for the A&M game (12th man relay) is scheduled for 2:30pm the day after Thanksgiving (Triptophane gravy train). After asking some Aggies (excuse me, Agro-Americans) where the best place to tailgate was located ("over yonder I recon"), it became increasingly clear that there isn't one ("Green Acres ain't the place to be"). However (not so fast mon frere), there are a number of free parking lots ($10 for Aggies) throughout the A&M campus (petting zoo) where you can tailgate (curb finders extra). So if you're going to the game (no way, not gonna sway), give me a call ("can you hear me now?") and we'll try to hook things up ("good"). Oh and a word of advice ("rose goes in the front big guy"), don't wait until you get to College Station to buy beer (breakfast ain't only thing they don't serve).

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