Texas, Tulane 18

When the play on the field (like it was last Saturday night) is so spectacular you have to turn to the guy next to you and ask him if he'll dump the rest of his Lemmon Chill down your pants so you can stay awake, chances are, you had time to notice a few other things around you besides the game, like those groovy orange seatbacks. If you're a season ticket holder, you've undoubtedly been encouraged to order seatbacks to be installed. I, myself, finally broke down and ordered a pair this year and I can't remember a time when I've been happier about a purchase. (Big screen TV and Gas Powered Weedwacker, notable exceptions.) No longer do I lean back only to experience that tense moment when your flesh hits someone else's bony knee. No more do I get that raging back pack caused by cold, hard, cushion-less benches that only a couple of Doanes and a six pack of Bud can ease. And no longer can the people around me encroach on my seats and claim ignorance because the seat numbers have nearly been worn off by years of searing heat, driving rain and sweaty, super-sized butts that don't quit. So instead of wasting your time with a worthless recap of the Tulane game, I pay homage to the underappreciated and often misunderstood seatback chair with my...

ODE TO THE MIGHTY SEATBACK

(Think Wingman Coors commercial)

This chick's scootin' her butt into seat 3, row 4.

Her ass is an anchor.

You can't out flank her

She's takin' up her seat and half of yours.

Noooooooooooo!

So you buy the chair,

Because fair is fair: Mighty Seatback

It's taking one for the team,

so your butt can live the dream:

Seatbaaaaaaack!!!

TU-LANE, DO-LANG, TU-LANE

Evidentially watching Texas put up 49 points in the first half was so inspiring, Deloss Dodds announced after the game that he was inclined to put the Green Wave on the schedule every year. And when you figure in the fact that Texas is in the first year of a six year deal with those little, blue nerds from Rice, it looks like Texas fans will be ordering the "surf and smurf" for quite a while. If Dodds wants to put a couple of creampuffs on the schedule, so be it, but at least give us some variety so we can swallow those exorbitant ticket prices. The purpose of non-conference games was to create some interesting match-ups and play some teams you wouldn't normally play, not start a members only club with a couple of teams who consider football an elective. Why did we leave the Southwest conference if we wanted to play Rice every year. Anyway, I digress...not a whole to say about the game itself. I don't think Tulane's defense ever challenged Texas so who knows if Benson really is running better or if the Mock/Young rotation is a weapon or a distraction. I guess will find out at the...

NEXT GAME

Make no mistake about it, K-State is a big game. Of course if Texas wins,then it becomes insignificant to the media and the rest of college football, but for now, it's a big game. Heck, Gameday is even coming to Austin and they'll undoubtedly be spend a lot of the show talking about the return of Ell Roberson, the QB wonderkind, who will be leading the Wildcats on Saturday. He may not be much of a passer, but he can run like the wind. And if that Forest Gump impersonator from Arkansas can chase down the century mark against Texas, God only knows what Ell can do to UT's much maligned rush defense. I just don't see the Horns containing him all game long. So Texas is just going to have to outscore K-State. Hopefully with K-State putting their defensive backs on an island, Greg Davis will figure out a way to exploit the Wildcat defense with our vaunted receivers and good pass protection. Regardless, it looks to be a high scoring affair and don't expect the K-State team who lost to Marshal to show up in Austin this weekend. Let's just hope the Texas team that lost to the Hogs doesn't show up either. For more on that, let's hand it over to the...

UNPREDICTABLE PREDICTION

Come early, be loud and stay late,

Roy said we runnin' the table,

So I guess it's got to be fate,

We gonna put a whoopin' on K-State

Texas 45, Mildcats 38

GAMEDAY & TAILGATE UPDATE

Fowler, Corso and Herbstreet (the hairdo crew) are coming to Austin (Dellville). The GameDay set built by The Home Depot (Black&Decker set erecter) will be located by the fountains (no diving) near the LBJ Library (how ironic, another grassy knoll) across from the stadium ("will you protect this house?"). The area (okay, a corral) designated for the fans (Longhorns unlimited) opens at 9am (stampede!). Afterwards head back over to San Jac and 18th (needa fajita?) for the tailgate (fill'er up). And since there's no more S.I. Carnival to contend with (hey, no "fare"), Whittemore and the gang (Steers with beers) will have the beer trailer (there's no last call on this U-Haul) and BBQ smoker (meat wagon) back in our usual spot (fear change). Don't forget to chip in for parking (this ain't Monopoly) and speaking of, the Austin American-Statesman (Liberal Gazette) reported last week that Gonzalo Barrientos (El Heffe) included a repeal of the parking space tax (we don't need no stinking taxes) in a Senate bill. The House has to concur (say "I" again, I dare you), but we may soon see a return to tax-free parking (good-bye Tariff sheriff).

QUOTES OF THE WEEKEND

Returning to the seats just in time to see Tulane's QB J.P. Losman get sacked after a halftime spent in the beer tent:

"Hey J-P, that's a loss, man!"

I guess you had to be there.