Texas 50, A&M 20

"Slocum's gone" (to the tune of "Delia's gone" by Johnny Cash)

Slocum, oh, Slocum

Slocum just got canned

If they hadn't have fired poor Slocum

They couldn't have stolen big Fran

Slocum's gone, one last game

Slocum's gone

I went down to Austin

And watched ol' Slocum turn red

Found him at the stadium

Getting taken behind the woodshed

Slocum's gone, one last game

Slocum's gone

He was married to the run

Never liked to pass

Kind of offense makes you wonder

How'd he ever last

Slocum's gone, one last game

Slocum's gone

Last time I saw him

He was looking old and tired

Texas whipped him by thirty

And after that he got fired

Slocum's gone, one last game

Slocum's gone

But Scheduler, oh, Scheduler

Scheduler, Mack can't sleep

'Cause Fran's coming to the Big XII

And he hears the patter of Reggie's feet

Slocum's gone, one last game

Slocum's gone

So if your glad ol' Slocum's gone

After coaching his last game

Just remember one thing's for certain

The Big XII will never be the same

Slocum's gone, one last game

Slocum's gone


If you count the records over the last decade or so, you'll note that tied for third place with Mack Brown for the most NCAA Division I wins since 1990 is none other than one RC Slocum. The man has devoted more than half his life to Texas A&M, first as an assistant coach then taking the head coaching reins 13 years ago and leading the Aggies to four conference championships, including the Big XII crown in 1998. Yet despite all his accomplishments, he was fired...and rather unceremoniously at that. And so it goes in the world of big time college football—win and you're in, lose and you cruise. Now don't get me wrong, I don't disagree with the Aggies decision to replace RC. The Big XII has gotten much more competitive over the last couple of years, especially in the South division, and Texas A&M was in danger of falling to a second or third tier conference team if they haven't already. A change was necessary for the Aggies to move forward, and Franchione was tapped to stem the tide (no pun intended, but strangely appropriate). With Fran at the helm, the Aggies probably won't miss a beat in recruiting as he'll be able to pick up where he left off when used to recruit for TCU. I also look for the Aggies to be a much-improved team next year when considering the undeniable talent waiting in the wings. And regardless of whether it takes Fran one year or five, one thing's for certain, the Big XII South just got a whole lot tougher as if it wasn't tough enough already. Consider this: no Big XII South team finished the season with less than two conference losses and most of those losses were to teams in their own division. Texas beat A&M and OSU, but lost to OU and Tech. Even the Big XII Champion Sooners lost to A&M and OSU. With the way things are playing out, the Big XII South title may be a championship all in itself.


Despite the lopsided victory over the Aggies, it's fairly obvious the Horns are still an unbalanced team. The injury stricken UT defense played inspired, but the outcome probably had more to do with the six Aggie turnovers rather than the effort put forth. Offensively, Simms and the receivers bailed out an ineffective running game again. With three Aggie turnovers inside the 30 in the first quarter alone, the best Texas could manage was 9 points....that's pathetic. To be real honest, I'm almost glad the Horns didn't back their way into another Big XII Championship because we probably would have been beaten soundly. Mack Brown is going to have to wake up and realize he needs to make some changes before next season and it starts with the offensive coaching staff. There is no excuse for the way the line played this year. If Texas had been able to run the ball, they would be in Tempe on January 3rd. They had the lead going into the fourth against OU, but the inability to run the ball and move the chains the entire second half left the Longhorn defense exposed and worn out. At Tech, the running game failed again, leaving Texas helpless to do nothing but try and win playing Tech's game. It's quite sobering to think that simple thing like a running game is all that stood between Texas and a national championship. With the personnel in place, I believe that shortcoming could have been remedied with the right coaching staff. Instead of addressing the problem, Mack just said he was disappointed and went on. So instead of going to a BCS bowl, we all have to settle for another trip to the....


Deloss Dodds and Mack Brown both issued statements to the press explaining how excited they were to be playing LSU in the Cotton Bowl. I realize they had to do so for political reasons, but why would a top ten, 10-2 team that was at the doorstep of playing in a BCS bowl against some of the best competition in the land be excited about playing an unranked, 8-4 LSU team that, with the exception of a miracle play at Kentucky and a mercy win over Ole Miss, should be 6-6 right now. To me, this is a lose-lose situation for the Horns. If they win, then everyone says, big deal, UT beat an unranked team. If the Horns lose, then the critics dismiss UT's season all together. Add to it the fact that the game will kick-off at 10am on New Years Day and the weather in Dallas has a history of being really, really shitty on that day... Call me Mr. Negativo, but I don't see what there is to be so excited about. Hell, I'd rather go back to the Holiday Bowl for the 3rd straight year in a row. Or better yet, bring Notre Dame down here. They were a possibility. Then at least you'd have two 10-2 teams playing each other with something on the line.

As for LSU, it will depend on what team shows up. They've endured some costly injuries to their starting QB and running back this year but they could be healthy by the bowl game. The Tigers had their moments this year, including a lopsided win over Florida, but ended the season losing 4 of 6. I spoke with a friend of mine who follows the SEC closely. He said LSU has a porous run defense and if UT can run the ball, they should win easily. Great, I said, that's the one thing the Horns can't do. So who knows what to expect. If LSU returns some of their skilled positions with the extra time off to get healthy and UT has trouble running the ball and throwing it in the inclement weather, this could be a much a closer game than the experts (Vegas has Texas by 10) would have you believe. But who needs experts when you can consult the....


"Texas and LSU in the BCS Championship? That's right, the Beverage Consumption Series is proud to extend invitations to the fan bases from both of these schools for a rare chance to meet in Dallas on New Years for a winner drink all contest affectionately known as the Bourbon Bowl!!! How did the BCS narrow it down to these two teams you ask? A complex series of numbers and variables were entered into a computer to spit out the two drunkest sets of fans in the land. The composite numbers are based on such factors as: rankings from the DWI, DUI and PI polls, strength of bladder coefficient, body weight, liver transplants, number of fans kicked out of games for disorderly conduct and the all important BAC or Blood Alcohol Content per fan. With road trips to New Orleans and North Carolina to spur them on, Texas ended the year with a strong performance over the always stressful Thanksgiving weekend and blew a 2.80 on the BCS breathalyzer. LSU, being from Louisiana and a traditional favorite, breezed through another mostly intoxicated season and ended the year at a very unhealthy 3.20 Blood Alcohol level. Technically, a 3.2 would mean instant death for the average fan, but not for these seasoned vets. Oh this truly will be one for the history books. You can throw out the criminal records when these two get together because it's going to be one drunken good time. Oh, and as for the Cotton Bowl, not that anyone will be sober enough to notice or anything, but give me Texas over the Bayou Bengals 17-12."


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