POST GAME PRESS CONFERENCE
REPORTER: "Coach Brown, in the 3rd quarter, with such an unproductive running game, why didn't you opt to throw the ball?"
BROWN: "First of all, I'd like to say to all the Longhorn fans out there that we've got a big game against Iowa State in two weeks and I'd like you all to come early, be loud and stay late because we've got the best fans in the world. Now what was your question again."
REPORTER: "Uh, yeah, why didn't you throw the ball in the 3rd quarter?"
BROWN: "Simple, the 5th moon of Jupiter was in the house of Taurus causing a southeasterly win to blow at 6 knots down through the tunnel of the Cotton Bowl and right into Chris' face?"
REPORTER: "A follow up question if you will. Would you say the wind during the game was blowing harder than the hot air coming out of your mouth right now?"
BROWN: "I don't know, I don't have my Troy Dungan barometric bow tie on?"
REPORTER: "Coach, Major Applewhite here. How much do offensive coordinators make again and tell Greg to leave the key to the executive washroom on the desk when he leaves my new office."
BROWN: "And to think I never let you talk to the press when you were one of my players. By the way, did you get that Holiday card I sent you?"
MAJOR: "I've got another question. This one's for you Simms. Chris, when you tried my jockstrap on, exactly how loose was it?"
SIMMS: "Um, I'd like to phone a friend-"
BROWN: "That's not a fair question. Chris had recently been in the whirlpool and it was very cold. How about we stick to questions about the game?"
REPORTER: "Good idea. Chris, you've thrown 14 interceptions and no touchdown passes in four games against top 10 competition? What do you attribute your ineffectiveness to during big games?"
SIMMS: "My dad is Phil Simms and-"
BROWN: "I'll handle this one too. Chris is a great kid with a bright future. I stole him from Tennessee fair and square and I wouldn't trade him for the world."
REPORTER: "Okay let's try an easier one. Simms, do you prefer paper or plastic?"
BROWN: "Hey, over here. No comment."
REPORTER: "Tito or Jermain?"
BROWN: "He's already answered that. No comment. This press conference is over. We've got to get ready for the Jayhawks."
REPORTER: "But coach, you're playing Kansas State, not Kansas."
BROWN: "We are, who scheduled that? Shit...."
JUST ANOTHER STEREOTYPICAL SATURDAY IN OCTOBER
Two years ago Mack Brown's reasoning as to why Texas lost to Oklahoma was simple, "we overlooked a national championship caliber team." Last year, it was "bad breaks and missed opportunities." This year, and I'm not making this up, Coach Brown's $1.2 million per year excuse was "windy conditions." Well, I'll tell you what Mack, that and six state fair coupon tickets will get you a corndog, but it sure as hell won't appease the media nor the masses of Longhorn fans whose patience has just about worn out. How ironic that the tears of frustration that cloud our eyes from the truth dry up about the same time the excuses start running out. For a long time now I've wanted to believe that all the pieces for a national championship run were in place and that it was only a matter of time before all the nay-sayers and critics would be silenced, but with every huge loss, the whispers grow louder and the notions that were once dismissed as petty jealousy and stereotypical rhetoric are now fodder for sports pages and radio talk shows around the country. You can't pick up a paper or drive five minutes in your car without reading or hearing about how Chris Simms can't win the big game, how Mack Brown is more politician than coach and how the Longhorns have a lot of talent but no heart. Unfortunately, their play on the field and their comments to the press are doing little to dispel these stereotypes and I'm sorry to say that the writing on the wall, which went largely ignored by Longhorn fans who couldn't allow themselves to believe that their beloved Longhorns were less than national championship contenders, may have been there all along. Was Mack Brown really the best coach for hire, or did he use his personality to recruit Deloss Dodds the same way he's convinced so many blue chip athletes to come to Texas? Bob Stoops, a man I loathe but admittedly respect, spelled it out for everyone – I ncluding Brown and his coaching staff - in the days leading up to the shootout. He said, "I like the way we match up against Texas. They've been running the SAME offense for the last three years. They know what they're going to do and so do we." Talk about your predictable predictions. Terry Bowden said after the game, "Stoops prepared his team to win, Mack prepared his team to protect Simms from having another bad game." I think he's right. Simms reminds me a lot of Notre Dame's Ron Powlus. A kid who was over-hyped early on but who never did live up to the media's unrealistic expectations. I also think Simms' performance is more a result of really poor coaching than a lack of talent or nerve. If the defense knows what you're going to do every play, nobody is going to be able to move the ball on them. I put the onus again on Greg Davis and Mack Brown. First, they didn't do a good job of preparing their team for the game. That much is obvious. Second, they did very little to adjust during the game...and that much is criminal. On the defensive side of the ball, Carl Reese put a great scheme together to defend against the Sooners' anemic passing game, but never bothered to stop the run. Consequently, Quentin Griffin had 248 yards in rushing less than a week after Reese was quoted as saying no running back could run for 200 yards a game in the Big XII. But I don't fault the defense completely, as they had nothing left after getting left on the field time and time again by an offense that could manage only one first down the entire second half. In the end, the Stoops boys won again, and while complaining and bitching may help us cope with the loss, nothing we can say or do can change the outcome. So on to the....
Speaking of big games, there's going to be a huge one in Manhattan, Kansas this weekend. The media may not consider 17th ranked K-State a major opponent, but I'd argue that the pressure and price of losing this game is even greater than the last one. Texas' only hope for saving this season is to win on Saturday. A loss will eliminate them from having any shot at competing for the national championship, or even the Big XII Championship for that matter. As far-fetched as it may sound, Texas is still in it and did come within two points of going to the Rose Bowl last year despite an early season loss to OU. Anything can happen, and with so many teams playing 12 game schedules with tough opposition, it's a good bet that at least one team in the national championship game will have a loss. But getting to the doorstep certainly won't be as easy as it was last year. The schedule is a little different and five of the last six opponents are capable of beating UT. But I won't give up hope even though it may appear that's all we have left. I like the way Brown rallies his troops after a big loss. He's already simplified the offense, which is what any coach does after a big loss, but in this case, I really think it well help. If the big nasties on the offensive line only have to concentrate on 3 or 4 running plays, then maybe they'll stop thinking so much and start kicking some ass. Defensively, Texas is still tough. The offense just needs to keep those guys off the field as much as they can. The Wildcats have weapons and feature an extremely mobile quarterback in El Roberson. Plus, playing on the road isn't easy, especially in Manhattan. It's going to take everything the Horns have to win, including heart. But it's the kind of test that this team needs to get this season back on the winning track. So who will win, on to the....
"Was it over when the German's bombed Pearl Harbor? (Forget it, he's rolling.) Was it over when when my best friend Billy got the G.I. Joe with the Kung-Fu grip for Christmas and I didn't? Was it over when the Oilers went up by 5 touchdowns over the Bills? Was it over when they shot J.R.? Was it over when the Easy-Bake Oven was declared Y2K incompatible? Was it over when Joanie dumped Chachie? Was it over when I got braces and a butt cut? Hell no it wasn't over. That fat lady ain't singing. No sir, she's down out Panchos raising that flag again. You see, it ain't over. I know you're hurting. Maybe you feel alone, perhaps abandoned or unloved. If you're a hot chick, call me, we'll talk. As for the rest of ya, you got to hold on for one more day, things will go your way, and if they don't, there's always the YMCA. Because there's no crying in baseball. Unless you get hit in the nose, and then it's okay, you can still cry and be a tough guy. And speaking of, when the going gets tough, the tough go out and find the weakest dude they can find and whip his ass just for the hell of it. Because this is Texas and everything's bigger and more expensive down here. So you just wave those Horns in the air and wave them like you just don't care because all we have to fear is reruns of Fear Factor and no I won't go gently into that good night because I don't take shit from nobody, or wooden nickels either and I don't care if you're back from outer space with that look upon your face, I will survive. I will survive and so will you damn it. I don't care if it takes all night, I want to see four passes before you shoot and for the love of all that's good and pure, don't let me catch you watchin' the paint dry. Just win baby. Just win. Winning isn't every thing, it's the only thing that will help the medicine go down. So swallow your pride and your gum if your chewing some and go out there and give me 110%, 74% of the time. It's go time. It's 3/4-inch cleats, eye black all over your face, big disgrace, kickin' ass all over the place. It's show me paint the fence Daniel-son, double secret probation time damn it. Now go out there and win one for the stripper. Holy shit, pass me the Pepto. (TEXAS 35, K-State 17)
Alas (who talks like that?), this is the only game on the schedule (pencil me out) that I will not be able to attend this year (maybe next time Rudy) . Thank goodness the game (Manhattan Project) is being televised on Fox Sports Net (right after "Clowns gone bad!!!"). For those of you (God bless ya) who are traveling to Kansas (ruby slippers required), there will be a Texas Exes tailgate (pot luck supper) on Kimball Street across from the stadium (follow the yellow brick road). As for what else there is to do ("ever bopped your balogna?") before and after the game, I haven't got a clue (go fish). Kansas State (Cats Gone Wild) doesn't exactly strike me as a tourist hot spot (we got BINGO). But Manhattan (The Big Apple Dumpling) is still a college town (beer and bitches), so there's bound to be something going on ("nothin' says lovin' like kissin' yur cousin").
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
"I prepare for this game just like any other. To me, it's just another game." - Roy Williams on the Red River Shootout
Well, maybe if you wouldn't treat it like just another game, it would cease to be just another loss.