Texas 59, Kansas 0

59 to 0 your honor. The Defense rests.


For two years now, Major Applewhite has sat back and watched as Chris Simms fumbled and faltered, eventually taking the starting job away from him for good. And in all that time, he's kept his frustrations to himself as Mack and the other coaches patronized him repeatedly in the press saying "Major knows his place on the team and he's going to be a great coach one day." After which, the reporters turned their attention to Applewhite, prodding and pleading him incessantly to make just one inflammatory remark, to have just one emotional outburst. His silence must have been deafening. I can't even imagine what it's been like not being able to talk, complain or even just get it off his chest. He probably couldn't even tell the other players how he felt or risk disrupting team unity. But during the last home game of his career, Major finally got a chance to speak his mind, not with words, but with actions, one single solitary action. Midway through the 3rd quarter, the student section on the east side of Memorial Stadium began to chant "Major, Major...", in an obvious ploy to Coach Brown to put the much heralded but of late, controversial senior quarterback into the game. As the defense trotted off the field after stopping Kansas on downs, as they had done repeatedly throughout the game, I remember turning to my father in-law and saying "wouldn't it be great if Applewhite threw just one more touchdown pass and afterwards removed his helmet, dropped it to the ground, and walked off the field." What a fantastic show of defiance that would be to the coaches and all the critics who deemed the once Big XII Offensive Player of the Year expendable upon the arrival of Chris Simms. We both laughed that "yeah, that would be great but it'll never happen" laugh. But much to our dismay and to the delight of the 84,000 fans on hand, in a way, it did happen. With 6:01 left in the quarter, Major entered the game and adeptly led the offense down the field, as he had done so many times before, to the Jayhawk one-yard line. He then ignored the play sent in by the coaches opting rather to dial his own number. I don't imagine the players in the huddle opposed much if at all. The senior signal caller then took the snap from center and lunged, bad knees and all, into the end zone for a touchdown. And after emerging from the pile and without provocation from the crowd, promptly rewarded that very same student section with a souvenir ball that will undoubtedly be remembered as the best completion of the day. With the issue no longer in doubt and a 45-point lead, Applewhite's excessive celebratory toss meant nothing and yet it meant everything. With one flick of his wrist, Major said thank you to all those who supported him while making it perfectly clear to his detractors that even though the politics of football may dictate when he enters the game, nothing and nobody but him will decide how he leaves it. In my opinion, Chris Simms is the best quarterback at Texas. There's no denying that. However, could Mack Brown have orchestrated the quarterback transition better? Absolutely. Do I think Major Applewhite should have handled the situation any differently? Not a chance.


If it was up to me, the top two teams in the land would be determined by

the following criteria (lowest score wins):

First take the aggregate score from combining rankings from the:

A) 1970 UPI poll

B) Playboy's Universities with the Hottest Babes poll

C) US News & World Reports Top Business Schools poll (hey, College Football is big business)

Then add the deductions for the following (throw out the high, the low and the judge's score from the former Soviet Union)

(+6) For every directional word (North, Middle, etc.) in the school name

(+2) For every goal post torn down (home or away)

(+5to10) Number of convicted felons in the starting line-up

(+2-1/2) If Reebok is the sponsor

(+7) If the school offers courses in agronomy

(+3) If the mascot's relevance has to be explained

(+1) If Corso picks them any time during the season

(+25) If the starting QB is 25 or older

(+9) If their conference doesn't have a championship game

(+30) If their name is Baylor

(+10) If they lose by more than 20 on National TV

(+12) If they play on turf or in a dome

(+19) If their fans don't tailgate

(Automatic Elimination) If they play in the MAC, WAC or C-USA

Now factor in gametime weather conditions, stadium seating capacity, number of Tuba players in their band and strength of their basketball team's schedule plus the always important quality of concession stand hotdog coefficient and you'll crown your new national champion.


"Right now, I think we're the best team in the country." - Chris Simms


“The Thanksgiving Song”

(if Adam Sandler was a Longhorn)

Love to beat Aggies. Love to beat Aaaaaaaa-gies!!!

Love to beat Aggies cause it's good,

love to beat Aggies like a Longhorn should,

'cause they're Aggies, they suck, big wood.

Aggies lost three, just lost to OU

The offense sucks, so does the Wrecking Crew

Love to beat the Aggies down in College Station

Freshmen report to Fish camp for indoctrination

Aggies like to stand all game long,

Texas by 12, Vegas can't be wrong,

Aggie-faggie foo and Aggie-faggie fat,

A&M had an LB who's name was Dat.

Thanksgiving is a special night,

Chris Simms is gonna start for Applewhite,

Texas fight.

Aggies have a coach, his name's RC,

Can't believe they dug up old Reveille,

Even if they lose, I hope RC never resigns,

Can't believe the Aggies let ESPN air "Sidelines."

Offense, Defense, the Horns just can't lose,

Even if the refs smoke out before the game with Toombs,

Aggies on the run from dawn to early morn',

It'll never be over till Gabriel blows his horn.

Beat those Aggies - put 'em six feet deep,

Poor Aggies like to copulate with their sheep,

Aggies are hurtin' at receiver,

Mark Farris was diagnosed with jungle fever

Oh, Aggies in the corps are called the noble men of Kyle,

But they're about as close to real soldiers as Gomer Pyle,

Gobble gobble goo and gobble gobble Gig'em,

I hate those Aggies and I hope we beat'em.

Oh, Texas loves to beat Aggies on Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody.


From 1985 to 1994, Texas A&M beat Texas 9 out of 10 times and did a lot to hurt enthusiasm for this traditionally fierce rivalry. In that ten year period, Texas fans saw the rise of the Aggies vaunted Wrecking Crew, the firing of head coaches Fred Akers and David McWilliams, and quite possibly the worst stretch of Texas Longhorn Football in its 100 year existence. However, in 1995, the Horns went into Kyle field and beat the Aggies 16-6 to end A&M's longest home winning streak and a decade of domination. Since then, a lot has happened to rekindle the rivalry and get people excited again about the annual clash between Texas' two largest state schools. In the last five years the two teams have traded wins back and forth winning at home each time. In '98 Ricky Williams broke the collegiate all-time rushing record as the Horns beat the 5th ranked Aggies on a last second field goal. Then in '99, the Horns entered Kyle Field ranked in the Top 10 only to lose 20-16 to an A&M team emotionally charged by the deaths of 12 fellow classmates killed in the Bonfire tragedy. To make matters worse, A&M fans kept Texas players and coaches up before the game by prank calling their hotel at all hours of the night. The fact that the hotel chef never showed up the next morning and the Texas players were left to find breakfast on their own only served to add fuel to the fire of a rivalry that had all but burned out. Last year down in Austin, Texas embarrassed an injury laden A&M team 43-17 as Chris Simms exploded onto the scene with nearly 300 yards passing in the 3rd quarter alone. This year the game returns to College Station under similar circumstances. Since suffering it's only loss of the year to Oklahoma, Texas is riding a five game winning streak and outscoring oponents by average margin of 37 points. A&M, on the other hand, has failed to score an offensive touchdown in it's last two games and just like last year, enters this game with three losses and a team riddled with injuries. Make no mistake about it, Kyle Field is an extremely difficult place to play, but with the Longhorns sporting the #2 defense in the nation and Chris Simms and the offense operating at full strength, Texas shouldn't have any trouble coming up with a rare win in College Station. With more on this developing story, let's throw it over to the...


TAMU prepare to meet Shamu, cuz after UT's done with A&M, it's off to San Antonio, Sea World and the Alamo Bowl for the Aggies - UT 27 A&M 6.

TAILGATE UPDATE (Color by 54b)

Kick-off (12th Man relays) is an early one, it's scheduled for 11:00am (easy on the Triptophane gravy train) this Friday. After asking some Aggies (excuse me, Agro-Americans) where the best place to meet up (how about Houston?) before the game was, it became increasingly clear that there isn't one (no sheep for you, come back 1 year). However, there are a number of parking lots (dirt farms) throughout the campus where we can tailgate (mmm, leftovers). Attached is a map of the A&M campus (petting zoo) and if you'll open it up (double-click smart guy) and locate quadrant G4 (bingo), you'll find parking lot #54 (it's an omen). It's about a 7 minute walk (wind aided) to the stadium and parking is free to the public ($10 for Aggies). We'll be there about 9am (give or take an East Texas speed trap) to suck down a few cold ones (now yur talkin') before we head on over to the game (no way, not gonna sway). Oh and a word of advice ("rose goes in the front big guy"), don't wait until you get to College Station to buy beer (evidentially breakfast isn't the only thing they don't serve there).


"Every morning when I wake up, I thank God I'm alive and I thank God I'm not an Aggie."


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