9.22.2001

Texas 53, Houston 26

"Houston Cougars Fight Song"

Sung to the tune of "Houston Oilers, Number One")

Look out Longhorns, here we come, Houston Cougars, we are scum.

Houston has the Cougars, the cheapest football team.

We take the cake and screw the fans like no one's ever seen.

We're breakin' deals, we're talkin' trash - thinkin' we're in control,

And when you say the Cougars, you might as well say Assholes.

'Cause we're the Houston Cougars, Houston Cougars, Houston Cougars, we are scum.

Yes, we're the Houston Cougars, Houston Cougars, Houston Cougars, We are scum.

We've got no respect, we've got no pride, We leave the fans without a seat

'Cause we're the Houston Cougars, Houston Cougars, You know we're going down in de-feat.

Yes, we're the Houston Cougars, Houston Cougars, Houston Cougars, we are scum. Yes, we're the Houston Cougars, Houston Cougars, Houston Cougars, We are scum.

THE GAME IN JOBOO’S EYES

"We (Texas) were out coached in the first half. Joffrey and Goonhut baseball fag were having their way with us and it is because we were playing street ball - man-up on everyone. When they broke out the option, the misdirection, and that dump to Reynolds, it was kicking our ass. We started taking them seriously in the second half, shut them down and they snuck a couple crap scores on us after we had it locked up. Jammer, again, looked weak. He had a couple of good plays and was all over the field again, but he allowed some serious yardage and didn't pop people when he could have. Roy just pisses me off. He takes too many plays off and needs to concentrate on catching the ball before he runs off. Roy will pull his head out when he sees some competition from a DB. Ivan (Williams) looked like a bad-ass. I know we have only seen him run against some real spares, but I think we could have given Ced a redshirt and been fine with Williams. We didn't know that, and he hasn't run against anyone yet, so there's really no argument here. All I know is, Ft. Worth has been overrun with crickets. Freaking me out. It's like creepshow or something."

CAR 54b, WHERE ARE YOU?

Not only was I not able to attend the game last weekend, I wasn't even able to watch it on TV. I was at a wedding and for some unknown reason, the bride didn't want to make a big scene with a big screen. Go figure. So instead, I went on assignment, British secret agent style, using every deceptive trick I learned in my James Bond "School of Cool" manual to vacate the premises of the reception undetected so that I could locate a radio and determine the score. Hey, when you're 6'4" and goofy she might forget about you. But when yourwife is the Matron of Honor, she will find you. Anyway, on about the third or fourth mission to the command post (Black Jeep Cherokee, row 3, space 6), I noticed something odd, evidentially I wasn't the only guy playing "cloak and dagger" with his wife. By the 2nd quarter, the parking lot had become a regular double-not spy convention. We even developed our own code. I passed one gentlemen in the reception hall who said "What a nice painting. How old do you think it is?" I replied, "I believe it was painted late in the 2nd Renaissance revival by a member of the opposition who opposed the established hierarchy of the day. I'd say the year was 1410." To which he replied, "son of a bitch." Not quite the vernacular of the time period, but I think he made his point abundantly clear. Needless to say, it was a long night and after all those trips to the car, I think the bride's mother might have mistaken me for the valet. Oh well, I'm sure the police have found her Lincoln Towncar by now.

STATOOS - Stats you couldn't forget

1) Chris Simms (20 completions on 35 Attempts for 311 Yards) – During W.W.II, the Admiral of the Japanese Navy, while his fleet commanders stood close by celebrating the attack on Pearl Harbor, was quoted as saying "I fear that we have merely awoken a terrible giant." I imagine Dana Dimmel, coach of the Houston Cougars, felt much the same way, as his defensive backs filled newspaper columns with all sorts of inflammatory rhetoric. The Cougar DB's went on adnausium about how Chris Simms was an inferior quarterback to Major Applewhite. I wonder what they said to their coach after the bombs started dropping. Simms hooked up early and often for 311 yards including a 92-yard touchdown pass to BJ Johnson. And he would have had a lot more if our receivers would have gotten their uniforms dirty. I was especially impressed with Simms when he completed that touchdown pass with just seconds left in the half and getting blind sided the play before. Oh and by the way, did you see all those cheap shots the Cougars were taking. Late hits, intentional holding, you name it. That team deserves exactly what it gets, no respect.

2) Bleachers (-4,100) - It doesn't bother me that the University of Houston wanted to play the game at their home stadium. After all, they just spent millions on renovations and it made sense from a strategic standpoint. Their advantage wouldn't have been as great in a larger stadium where more Texas fans could have gathered and made a difference. Although it was pretty funny to hear that almost half the stadium was wearing burnt orange anyway. What bothers the hell out of me, is that U of H broke a deal, knew about the bleachers a month ahead of time and then hid behind the excuse that they were only closing the bleachers because of concern for fans' safety. There was no accountability, and that closed circuit TV proposal over at Hoffines was insulting. What did those fans get? A box a popcorn and a can red ass. It was their fault and their responsibility, they should have moved the game to a larger venue. It was just the right thing to do. True, Texas canceled a game with Hawii a couple of years back, but they didn't do it 3 days before the game was scheduled to be played. Either way, you add up all the unnecessary trash talk (let's face it, you're not going to psyche out a team who's a 31-1/2 point favorite) and the bleacher fiasco and you get the Houston Cougars, a bush league team at best. I hope we don't play them again, ever.

NEXT GAME

Well, if you wanted a good warm-up for the Sooners, you couldn't ask for a better team than Texas Tech. They're coached by a former Sooner coordinator, their offense is similar to OU's and Tech quarterback Kliff Kingsberry will give the Texas DB's all they can handle and more. I don't mind telling you that I am not looking forward to this game. I guarantee you Texas has players already looking ahead to OU and Tech always plays Texas with a chip on it's shoulder. Reason being, most of their players were probably ignored by Longhorn recruiters and they have a real problem with that. The one thing we do have going for us, the game is in Austin and Tech usually doesn't play as well on the road.

Last week I predicted the offense would get going and we would see the emergence of the tight end. Well it didn't take Kreskin to figure that one out, but what I didn't see coming was the complacency of the defense. I expect them to have a much better game this week combined with another offensive outburst. The result being the....

UNPREDICTABLE PREDICTION

Bevo says "Better dead than Raider Red" - Horns role 42-24

TAILGATE UPDATE w/ Nad E. Lite

Most of us (immoral majority) will be out there about 11:00am (give or take a hangover) to fire up the smoker (Lucky Strike). We'll have some steaks ("I don't know why they call it hamburger helper, Clark...") there for all to sample. There will be some Red Raiders (rivalry refugees) at the tailgate, so hopefully we can throw some washers (at their heads) if the boards (don't) make it there. The only beer label that would sponsor (I smell T-shirts) us with a free keg was St. Arnolds (family on The Wonder Beers), so you'll probably want to BYOB (bring your own "b" for your jersey). And we'll also have some live music again ("This song goes on forever and the tailgate never ends").

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

"I want him to stay in the game. If (Major) Applewhite gets in the game, he's smarter than Simms. Applewhite is more poised and smarter. Simms is just running (around) out there. He's got a lot of receivers, so he's just pretty much playing street ball." - Houston DB's Adrian Lee & Hanik Milligan

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