Texas 48, Baylor 14

We're here with Bears Linebacker J. Jackson. J, a few words if you will.

"I play football, with a football on a football field."

Sure you do. What about Coach Steele and his coaching philosophy?

"Coach Steele is not a coach, nor smart."

I thought so. As part of the defense, I guess you got an up close look at that Longhorn Offense, how about that Major Applewhite, the Longhorns all time pass leader?

"Overachieving cracker!"

Salty. What about Hodges Mitchell?

"Hodges ain't shit."

Okay, what about the two freshmen receivers?

"Roy Williams is the best receiver in the country and B.J. Johnson is the fastest (BEEP) in the Big 12."

Now you’re talkin'. And the Texas Defense?

"UT's middle secondary is suspect but D.D. Lewis is a badass."

Yes he is. So what's the future hold for you?

"J. Jackson is the next XFL badass."

God help us. With another exclusive, this has been Joboo reminding you to hate the game, not the player. Hey bartender Joboo needs a refill...


"B.J. took advantage of Roy's double and triple teams to go for 150+. Applewhite looked awful, absolutely awful. Not one cleanly thrown ball all day. Simms looked good except for his pick for a TD and the sorry attempt to catch the guy afterwards. We would have held them 0-for-October except for two turnovers. Again, we screw ourselves."


As I sat helplessly, at a full-blown Catholic mass in Philadelphia, witnessing the connubial fusion of my cousin and his long time girlfriend, the Horns pretty much did what they were supposed to do and beat the Bears. You will notice that 54b's nuptials are in February and not during football season. Just a thought for those of you who are selfishly thinking of getting married in the fall. Only kidding, but seriously, just let me know where to send the gift.


On Sunday I tried in vain to find a sports page with a decent write-up on the game. It seems every sports page in America knew the Horns were going to beat the Bears so they wrote the story early and went drinking. Every paper said that Major was the new Longhorn passing leader, BJ had some nice catches and that the key to the Longhorn's success was a balanced offense. Number one, the key to any teams' success is a balanced offense and number two, the Horns don't have a balanced offense. That's why they got destroyed by OU and why they don't score in the first quarter. What then is a balanced offense you ask? Well it's not when both Tackles weigh in at 300 lbs. a piece. Basically it's when the running game and passing game are working well enough that your opponent's defense has no clue as to what kind of play you are going to run when you come to the line of scrimmage. Thus making it easier for you to move the ball with greater ease. Often times when the Horns get behind they abandon their running game and rely too heavily on the passing game. The opponent's defense makes an adjustment to a dime or nickel package to stop the pass, thus making it near impossible for the offense to move the ball with any consistency. This is why Ricky Williams was worth 7 draft picks to the Saints. When you have a constant threat in the backfield, then the defense must respect the run always and that will open you up to the passing game and balance your offense.

A lot of people want to argue that the quarterback controversy is the root of all the Horn's problems, but I feel it's really just an ancillary distraction. Mack Brown and Greg Davis have got to do a better job in forming game plans and sticking to them. It will be easy for the good teams to beat the Horns because they will force them to throw the ball 90% of time. RC Slocum has been punished for years because he is so dependent on the run. Once a team figures out how to stop it, it's like shooting fish in a barrel. Even lesser teams, like Stanford, can have success against the Horns because they figured this out.


That's right kids, it's time to play those dumb ass, tortilla tossing, rivalry challenged Red Raiders again. Roserita Maria Conchita over at El Golindo said a truck with her award winning flour tortilla's jack-knifed on the Santa Ana yesterday. She predicts a shortage of the Mexican Frisbees in the Lubbock area and says that they will just have to use corn tortillas. Well since corn rhymes with Horn and I'm forlorn because I'm torn, I'll give the nod to Texas over the Power Raiders.


Those of you, like me, dumb enough, I mean lucky enough to be going to Lubbock this weekend, we are heading to Kalf Fry on Friday night - where they preserve the time honored tradition of relieving bulls of their precious cargo and dropping them into the frying pan. If even one of the cooks tells me to turn my head and cough, I'm out of there. And because Coop is only on his second year of law school and knowing this bunch the way I do, we will probably be tailgating in jail on Saturday. Thus creating my newest term of endearment, JAILGATING. Come find me there, bring money and hurry. I don't want to be anybody's 54bitch.


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