Texas 58, Texas Tech 7

All right kids, all together now - "Red Raider, Red Rover, let Texas Tech bend over!"

"They shoot horses don't they?" Not since the Red Raider mascot head-butted a restraining wall has there been such a dark day in Tech history. Texas turned the over hyped "Big XII South Title Game" into mere child's play as fans at Royal Memorial bared witness to an old fashioned ass kicking and what will most likely be the last road game of Spike Dykes illustrious 20-year coaching career at Texas Tech. And while this game marked the end of one era, it also confirmed the beginning of a new one. After two decades of relative anonymity, the Longhorn defense is back kicking ass and taking names. "You go tell the nation that Carl Reese is coming and he's bringing hell with him." The Texas defense just beat the living shit out of Texas Tech. The Red Raiders couldn't move the ball with a U-Haul. Rogers, Hampton and Humphrey, better known as the Good, the Bad and the Ugly, rode roughshod all over a Red Raider offense in retreat most of the day. Humphrey, looking more like the high plains drifter, knocked the starting Tech QB into next Tuesday and while Peters was checking into the Troy Aikman hotel, his back up was running from the Horns like he was running from the law. Gun Fight at Royal Memorial was over in four short quarters as Texas took Tech behind the wood shed for a 58-7 ass whoopin' and their worst defeat ever. And while the Texas defense was passing their paternity test (that's right you dumb ass, tortilla tossing, rivalry retards, who's your daddy), the Longhorn offense was breaking records like Latoya Jackson at a family reunion. Ranger Applewhile registered 3000 on the pass-odometer as he and Kwame "the Kid" Cavil rewrote history as the all time Texas connection. Hodges Mitchell was solid with 166 and a couple of TD's to boot. Other than that, the scoreboard pretty much told you all you needed to know - one can of whoop ass to go please! And with the game in hand, Mack sent the New Jersey Mafia's very own, Nature valley Boy Simms to have a cup of half-caf, mocha latte with the offense. Let's just say this, "the boy is good" and I ain't talkin' bout "sexual chocolate" either! He's got mad skills, he's got game and if "Apple-whitebread" don't recognize, Simms' gonna have his "J" like a bucket a chicken on payday. Damn! Props to the blonde brotha. Represent.

THE NEXT GAME

Believe it or not sports fans, "we're a moovin' on up". The Texas Longhorns are currently ranked #6 in both the AP and USA Today polls and after next weekend, will most likely be ranked 5th. Am I happy about this? Hell no. Hindsight maybe 20-20 but today it's 23-20 as in a special teams NC State nightmare back in late August. Everyone said "Cory, get over it, it's gone, life goes on". Bull shit. Nebraska, a team we beat, is up in Lincoln polishing their mascot with a bunch of hot air about going to the Sugar Bowl. Why, because they only have one loss and we have two because we couldn't punt the fucking ball. Who knew? I knew, that's who. I feel better now. Just pipe dreams anyway because we have a long way to go before New Years. Yes the horns are going to San Antonio to play in the Big XII Championship and against Nebraska most likely, but we're going to have to stop and take a piss in College Station first.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

"Last night I almost banged big bertha." – 54b (Big Bertha is a huge drum on wheels, evidently not everyone knows that.)

"How was the baby shower?"

"She did farm animals, it was fun."

"I bet it was."

"No, the theme was farm animals."