10.02.1999

Texas 17, Kansas State 35

Welcome back to "Cooking with Major" where Pastry Chef Extraordinaire Applewhite has captivated a crowd of 80,000 with his specialty, "turnovers du jour" – serves six.

The sun was very angry on Saturday my friends and evidentially it must have gotten the best of Major Applewhite, because the Horn's quarterback forgot that game balls we're handed out after the game, not during. But if you’re headed to Toys R Us to purchase a noose and a scrawny red headed cabbage patch doll to hangle the Major in effigy, you better make a U-turn at "Bikes for Tikes" because I got news for ya, it ain't all Major's fault. The offensive line was exposed for what they are, inexperienced and immature, thus making the Texas backfield look more like I-35 during rush hour. They could no better block a seasoned Wildcat defense than they could the sun, even with SPF 35. And it didn't end there. If Mack Brown were Chinese, he'd be down at the Magic Wok celebrating the Year of the Punter with a big bowl of Yu-sum-dum-shit. For the umpteenth time this year the Texas "special" teams boarded the short bus and got taken to school, this time by David Allen. With a 14-9 lead and the Horn's defense playing out of their minds, Texas did the unthinkable and punted to the greatest kick-returner in the history of college football. Ryan Long out-kicked his coverage so much so that Allen had time to stop and ask directions to the end zone. Just like that, the momentum swung and the door shut on the Longhorns, making the rest of the game just an exercise in futility. But don't feel too bad, Fiesta Texas has already named one of their roller coasters "the sore pussy" in anticipation of the cats return to the Alamo Bowl. K-State has no offense and won't go far. Never fear Longhorn fans the season is far from over. A&M hasn't scored an offensive TD in 8 quarters and choked hard on a Tech team that had all but been run out of town after last weeks North Texas debacle. Oklahoma on the other hand made a good account of themselves at Notre Dame, but took it right in the rectory as the God Squad scored 20 unanswered on the way to a 34-30 win. Anyway, it's Texas/OU weekend and this game actually means something for the first time in years. The winner is in the driver seat to win the Big XII South and a trip to San Antonio in early December. Texas still hasn't played their best football and OU pretty much let it all hang out in South Bend. Take the Horns and the points. Sooners, I got your corn dog RIGHT HERE.

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