9.11.1999

Texas 38, Rutgers 21

What a shocker...the Horns win convincingly rolling over those perennial power house Scarlet butt-pirates from Rutgers. The paper said the game of football was born in New Jersey? Well, it looks like it died there too. The play-by-play guy said the Knights were looking for their first win, but they ought to be looking for their quarterback's jock, seeing how Arron Humphrey knocked it off in the 2nd quarter. McMann, the Knights quarterback, didn't know whether he was playing football or riding shotgun on the 12:30 train to Hoboken. Besides that earhole of a hit and a decent offensive outburst in the first half, the game was a real yawner. The second half looked more like a sword fight at a 6th street bar on a Saturday night--just a bunch of guys standing around, holding their cocks and hoping to score before the clock ran out. Then, in a brilliant strategic move--or a move made in duress because he didn't want his knees broken and his family sold into white slavery--Mack decided it would be okay if nature valley poster boy Simms had a cup of coffee with the 1st team Offense. Of course on 3rd down in front of his father and many distinguished members of several highly touted New Jersey Mafia crime factions, Simms dropped back in the pocket and held onto to the ball for a half hour and practically got his arm amputated. I bet Daddy Phil was a proud papa on that one. I wonder what sound, brotherly advice Applewhite gave Simms when he came back to the bench? Maybe, "Hows about you throw the f*cking ball already, capice." Oh well, a win is a win and off we go to corral that nerd herd from Rice. Great, an option team...this ought to be a barn-burner. Texas will have possession of the ball for about 3 minutes and some change and still win 60-7. F this phat beat shit, my new chant is "Can't wait for K-State." Say it with me boys and girls - "Can't wait for K-State." As you can read, I still haven't let the NC St. kicking clinic go.

Stay salty!

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