Two Tickets to the Red River Classic - $80
Flask of Jim Beam - $10
Parking in Leroy's Front Yard - $20
Two Fletchers Corny Dogs - 8 Coupons
Watching the Sooners blow a 17 point lead - Priceless!
“There are just some things money can't buy (like a can of Longhorn whoop ass), for everything else, there are State Fair coupon tickets.”
The "Run & Stoops" offense was in full effect come game time on Saturday as the Sooners raced out to a 17-point lead. But unfortunately for Big Bob and the boys, all those late nights watching the Arena League on the deuce didn't pay off and Oklahoma's offense, much like their Schooner, was back up on cinder blocks before half-time. Mr. Stoops, may I suggest that your circus sideshow offense might have been better suited as an attraction at the midway because, like your coaching predecessors who came to Dallas before, you looked more at home at the Carnival than in the Cotton Bowl. On to the Horns. From Minor Ass-whipe to Major Bad Ass, the Longhorn QB went from zero back to hero. Simms fans you'll have to wait. Give Major and the whole Longhorn offense some much deserved credit. Hodges Mitchell had 204 yards on the ground, something even the dreadlocked Saint didn't manage to do last year. And the beleaguered offensive line, who got ripped for springing a leak last week, came to play as the guys up front looked more like five portly plumbers plugging the holes and giving Applewhite all day to abuse the sooner secondary like I abused my liver.
Like I said last week, the winner of this storied shootout would find themselves at the top of the Big XII South and right in the drivers seat for the Big XII Championship. The Horns are in control of their own destiny and with Nebraska coming to town in two weeks and the A&M game being played in College Station, it should be one hell of a ride. The Cornhuskers will most likely be ranked 3rd in the nation by the time they get to Austin, which coincidentally is the same lofty ranking they held back in 1996 when Mackovic and company rolled the dice and crapped them right out of the national championship picture. Horns fans, are you ready to FEEL GOOD again? Because it's no accident why we beat the Huskers last year. Texas matches up well because we can defense the run and when it comes to throwing the ball, Nebraska couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. However, Nebraska's defense is no slouch. If the Texas offensive line blocks the black shirts the way they blocked K-State, the Longhorns will have to go balls deep into the depth chart at QB to finish the game.
On to the prediction and Longhorns vs Cornhuskers is a toughie, so I called a pro and for $4.99 a minute, Bambi at 1-900-GUY-TALK says she "likes meat more than vegetables and that's why she's not a veterinarian" - so take the Horns in a win for the ages.
And a new segment to Cory's Commentary - "QUOTE OF THE WEEK!!!""I would have been fine if it wasn't for those last four or five beers I drank."