Texas 41, Colorado 7

Give it up for Rasta Ralphie singing "Buffalo (from) Boulder" (Tune of Buffalo Soldier for those of you playing at home.)

Buffalo (from) Boulder, Namesake Ralphie

There was a Buffalo from Boulder

In the heart of Texas

Coming from Folsom, brought to Austin

Said he had a good chance, Returning to Dominance

I mean it, when you analyze the game

To me, it was pretty lame

Now the Namesake Ralphie was a Buffalo (from) Boulder

And he was coming from Folsom, brought to Austin

Returning to Dominance, Bevo said let's dance

If you know of the history

Then you know where Barnett came from

Then you wouldn't have to ask Gary

Why Mack took the job away from him

He's just a Buffalo (from) Boulder

In the heart of Texas

Coming from Folsom, brought to Austin

Said he was returning to dominance,

Instead he shit in his pants

Said he was a Buffalo (from) Boulder

Lost the game for Colorado

Ralphie, woe yoe yoe, woe woe yoe yoe

Woe yoe yoe, Pes-a-ven-to can't throw

Buffalo (from) Boulder, fumbling in the tall grass,

Said he wanna run, and try to throw the long pass,

but when he did, he got knocked on his ass, yea, yea

Said he was a Buffalo (from) Boulder

Lost the game for Colorado

Buffalo (from) Boulder, Namesake Ralphie

Returning to Dominance, Squealing like Deliverance

Beaten by the Longhorn

>From the dawn to the early morn'

Ralphie, woe yoe yoe, woe woe yoe yoe

Woe yoe yoe, go back to Co-lo-ra-do

THE GAME

I think Jim Carrey said it best; "So much for Colorado, that John Denver's full of shit." Talk about your Rocky Mountain lows. Last Saturday, the Buffaloes and the rest of the country got treated to a good, old fashioned Hill Country ass whippin'. I guess ABC got spooked and broke out its media contingency plan to boost ratings because they sure were hyping this game up to be something it certainly was not – a battle between two evenly matched teams. To that I say; "So much for the ABC game of the week, that John Saunders is full of shit." Between rehashing the Mack Brown over Gary Barnett embroilio from four years ago, rumors of CU quarterback swapping and Colorado's "Return to Dominance" mantra, you'd think we were watching a trailer for an upcoming episode of Springer. Starting quarterback, or no starting QB, Colorado returned all right, returned to getting dominated like they were last year at Folsom field in Boulder. And what's up with starting back-up Bobby Pesavento? That kid couldn't "pass the prochuto" at an Olive Garden. I don't get it. Did Barnett lose a bet with the mob or something? Craig Ochs gets scratched from the starting lineup because he's having headaches supposedly caused by a concussion he received over a month ago. A month ago! Are you telling me that these same headaches lay dormant while he played every down of Colorado's three games since then. If you ask me, I'd say somebody started watching film on the Longhorn Defense and developed a case of the green-apple-quick-step. Hell, I'd probably shit my pants too if I had to face that awesome onslaught for four quarters.

Regardless, give Carl and his crew credit. Reese and the defense hadn't prepared to face the Buffaloes' back-up signal caller and that's probably a good reason why they gave up 225 yards of offense to Colorado in the first half. However, in the second half, the Buffs were barely able to manage a meager 50 yards. Talk about your half-time adjustments. Props to Quentin for the pick, and DD for the fumble recovery, but my game ball goes to Ahmad Brooks. He took Colorado's deep threat away from them all day. His tight coverage forced Colorado, traditionally a running team, to try and catch up with short passes over the middle where the Longhorn linebackers were just sitting and waiting to strike. Fish in a barrel....

On the offensive side of the ball, Greg Davis finally took a feather out of his cap and improvised with a never-seen-before by Texas shovel pass to Benson in the second quarter. I sure would like to have seen that play against Oklahoma a few weeks ago. It's good for what ails ya. It keeps your opponents D-Lineman honest and it forces at least one of their linebackers to stay at home, rather than dropping back into zone coverage, thus slowing the rush from the front four and opening up the passing lanes. Speaking of passing lanes, Chris Simms threw for 3 more TD's, two of which were to Sloan Thomas, who is quickly emerging from the Williams/Johnson shadow. Even with this forty-one point explosion against a ranked opponent, I still don't think we've seen this offense play its best football. But when they do, I'd bet the over, cause there won't be a defense, or a scoreboard that can hold 'em. Unfortunately for us, it'll probably come against Big XII powerhouses Kansas, Missouri, or Baylor. Jayhawks and Tigers and Bears oh my. Needless to say, Dorothy probably faced stiffer opposition snagging those ruby slippers down at Payless.

DISHONORABLE MENTION

What in the name of litigious licensing agreements is that cartoon looking character on the right shoulder of Texas Tech's uniforms? I swear I thought I was hallucinating when the camera kept zooming in on Kliff Kingsbury during the Tech/Nebraska game. There was a little stick man on his jersey, it looked like that Cingular Wireless mascot. What do you want to bet that after a couple of drinks, that little devil starts talking to Coach Leach, telling him to go for it on 4th and forever deep in his own territory. Maybe Tech ought to sew an Angel on the other shoulder to slap him out of it and change his mind. I mean Jimminy Cricket on a popsicle stick, if the Middle Appalachian State Feuding Inbreds can get Nike to sponsor their football team, why the hell can't Texas Tech? And they wonder why they don't get any respect.

NEXT GAME

The Missouri Tigers. Another team who has some good players, but is constantly trying to find themselves. Quarterback, Kirk Farmer, has had his moments but has proven to be mistake prone as well. He seems to match every TD pass with a pick. He did however lead the Tigers to a win against arch rival Kansas, who also seems to play well one week and terrible the next. One game they're completely focused, the next game their heads are back on the farm. I categorize these teams as members of the .500 club. They always seem to be one win away from breaking through, one win away from turning their program around and if only they hadn't fumbled that last game away, they wouldn't always be one win away from going to a bowl. Every year they seem to ride the proverbial seesaw. Sometimes they get off and turn the corner like Iowa St. did, but usually they have one good season and can't sustain it. That's why you always see so much hype surrounding the hiring and firing of coaches. People really believe a good coach can make the difference. After watching Bob Stoops, it's hard to argue with them. Anyway, this weekend in Columbia, I think you'll see a carbon copy of the OSU/Texas game. Mizzou will come out all fired up and maybe even get an early score on us, but then the Longhorns will bring them back down to Earth and roll convincingly. Thus leading me to the ever unpopular....

UNPREDICTABLE PREDICTION

"Hey Missouri, after Texas gets finished with you, you're gonna be "The

Blow Me State." Texas 45, Tigers 10

TAILGATE UPDATE w/ MY FATHER-IN-LAW

My father-in-law Bill Keese (kiss his ass), has a long time friend named Tiger (not the golfer, but kiss his ass too) who has been kind enough to invite anyone (who can spell 54b) traveling to the game to join us at his tailgate before (during and after) the Missouri/Texas game. There is an RV parking lot (foreign cars need not apply) between the east side (Hoovin' on up) of Faurot (Inspector Faurot?) Field and the Hearnes Basketball Center. Look for "Lot J" (gangster rapper?) off of Mick Deaver (Beach Boy?) Drive. Only five RV's (shitter's full) can park there and his is called the "Bounder" (wasn't there a dog...nevermind). Game time is around 1:00pm (nap time for Tigers) and it's not being televised ("Radio, Ha-Ha"). There will be plenty of food (mmm, vittles) and beverages ("Whiskey River take my mind") for all.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

"Damn, there are a lot of little hotties running around here today?"

"Well, I guess that's why they call it a tail-gate."