10.13.2005

Texas 45, OU 12

For those football fans out there that don't bleed burnt-orange or spend hours memorizing the words to Boomer Sooner, it's hard to understand what the big deal is about a highly ranked and fully-loaded Texas team beating the snot out of an unranked and undermanned Oklahoma squad. But what those not associated with the Red River Rivalry don't understand is that it's not about the game itself, it's about the 364 days of hell for the loser that follow.

Up until last Saturday, we Longhorn fans had endured five straight losses at the hands of the Sooners. For most UT fans it seemed like an eternity. At work, at social functions, at the local pub, your favorite restaurant, in the mall, at the grocery store...no matter where you went, there always seemed to be an OU fan at the ready to shoot you the horns down or tell you another Mack Brown joke. You just couldn’t get away from them. And over time, all that ridicule and humiliation begins to build and the hatred starts to consume you. Then one day you wake up and you can hardly function like a normal adult. The only thing you can think about is beating those bastards from north of the Red River. For lack of a better word, it’s like being temporarily insane.

So I found it very peculiar that after five years of torment, in the final seconds of the Longhorns 45-12 thumping of the Sooners, that I could actually feel pity for the OU fans who were making the long walk back to their cars and the even longer drive back home to Norman. I guess it’s because I knew what they were going through and what lay ahead of them for at least another year.

I felt “so bad” in fact, I decided to take it upon myself to recommend some greeting cards that Mack Brown, various Texas players and even all you Longhorns fans could send to your OU counterparts. Below, please choose from the following...

THINKING OF Y(OU) CARDS

OU, since you didn’t care to send the very best,
You got your ass kicked like all the rest.

Warmest regards,
UT

Longhorns are Orange, Sooners are Red,
How does it feel to get taken behind the woodshed?

xoxo,
Texas Pom

Dear Bob, sorry you lost man, that was a tough game,
If you had balls as big as mine, you would take the blame.

Chin up,
Mack

Bomar, I remember you, but I doubt you remember me,
The trainers asked you who you play for, you said Grand Prairie.
How many fingers,
Robison

Yo Adrian, how's the ankle, hope you're on the mend,
come back next year and we'll break it again.

Get well soon,
Texas-D

Dusty D, we couldn't think of anything to say...so we got you this case of beer instead.
Don't be mad,
The O-Line

DB’s, I like bread and butter, you must like toast and jam,
cuz you guys got your asses burnt playing man-to-man.
Stay black,
VY

Sooners, I heard that you were feeling ill,
Headaches, fever, and a chill.
But we didn't come to restore your pluck,
Just to remind you that OU sucks.

Until next year,
Longhorn Nation

As much as I love beating the Sooners and getting the opportunity to give them a little hell, none of it will mean a damn thing if Texas doesn’t win...

THE NEXT GAME
Not sure what to think about Colorado. Coach Gary Barnett and the Buffaloes have certainly seen their share of adversity over the last couple of years, but somehow they’ve managed to keep winning and keep the program afloat. They’re battle tested and they bring a 4-1 record into Austin fresh off two rather decisive wins over Okie State and the Aggies. However, the last time they played a road team with a formidable defense, Miami held them to 3 points and they couldn’t get anything going all day. Perhaps that’s why Vegas made the Buffs 19-1/2 point underdogs this weekend.

Of course the line has now moved to 17 which means a lot of people out there feel the Horns will be playing this weekend with an OU hangover which is completely plausible, especially after Mack Brown blasted his team on Tuesday for not focusing in practice. But this team is very mature and has a lot of strong leadership. It also doesn’t hurt that the Horns are in Austin. I’m sure there will be a feeling-out process in the first quarter, but expect the Horns to take control soon after. As for the score, check out the...

UNPREDICTABLE PREDICTION
Texas 44,
Rocky Mountain Oysters 17

TAILGATE UPDATE
ABC picked up (some Desperate Ho's) the game between the Longhorns and the Buffaloes (Hooven Quadrupeds) and kick-off has been set for 2:30pm (That's Go Time). That means the tailgate party ("brew-haha") will probably get going around 10am (That's Miller Time). So come on down to our usual spot (dress code: snappy casual) on the corner of 18th and San Jacinto (Donde esta mis amigos gringos) and get yourself a plate of BBQ (Buffalo, it's what's for dinner) and grab a beer ("Obey your thirst"). And don't forget to stop by (pause for the cause) and toss a couple dollars into the donation jar (bucks go in the bucket, silly).

QUOTES OF THE WEEK
Overheard after defensive end Brian Robison sacked Oklahoma QB Rhett Bomar in the 4th..."Man, he (Bomar) looks like a dying cockroach."

Response to teenage Sooner fan walking through State Fair shooting the horns-down sign to all the Longhorn fans she passed..."Go feed your Llama, Tina's hungry."

Hook'em,
54b

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