Texas 42, Colorado 17

There's definitely a difference between losing and getting beaten, and I think the #24th ranked Buffaloes unwittingly proved that last Saturday. On the surface, losing 42-17 to the #2 ranked Longhorns in Austin doesn't seem all that bad. However when you dig a little deeper and find out that Texas scored 28 unanswered points on four straight drives to open the game and then answered a measly Colorado field goal with another TD for good measure, the term "beaten" becomes all the more relevant.

Texas was just awesome, maybe too awesome for words. And while the defense and special teams played their parts almost to perfection, it's the offense led by quarterback and resident super-freak Vince Young that drives this team. It may be too early in the season to have Heisman talk and I have all the respect in the world for Leinart and Bush from USC, but when it's 3rd or 4th and long, and you've got to keep the drive going or score, is there anybody else in the country you'd rather have on your team than Vince Young?

I counted three times when the Buffs had the Longhorns in a 3rd and long situation from around the Colorado ten yard line. For most teams, that means trying a low percentage pass because it's just too far to chance a run. With Vince, it's no problem, he'll just wait until the pocket collapses and then make four or five defenders miss on his way to the end zone. It's unreal. Not only did Vince's three scores mean 21 points for the Horns instead of 9, it completely deflated any hopes CU had for winning.

Let the pundits and the haters say what they will about Young's passing abilities, but as long as Vince stays healthy, there's just no way to...

Thanks to the entrepreneurial nature of our society and the endless pursuit of the almighty dollar, when ever one of our esteemed athletes or coaches separates him or herself from the pack, there will always be dozens of people lined up to cash in. And how do we pay homage to our beloved sports figures, with cheap souvenirs of course - most of them unlicensed by the athlete or the university. You can tell because the tag or sticker says, "Made in Crapistan."

Personally, if fans want to show their appreciation by blowing their walking around money on a Ricky Williams' wig or Major Applewhite dog tags or even a commemorative Cedric Benson Doormat, I say, "let the buyer be scared, who am I to stand in the way of free commerce." And if the T-shirt mafia can come up with apparel emblazoned with masterful bon mots such as "Are you con-Vinced yet" and "Texas is In-Vince-ble," I figured I could give those merchandise mavens a run for their sellers permits with a few new Longhorn T-shirt slogans of my own:

V-Y, more slippery than K-Y

Pedro voted for Vince

Vince Young, he's a 10

Welcome to Brown town

What has Brown done to OU

Pittman happens

Gene is the Chiz-nik

Ohio State got #2 on their Shoe

Sweed will smoke you

Rod's got the Wright stuff

Don't hate cuz we come early, get loud and stay late

Charles is a Jamaal-American

Take dead aim at...

For many years now, playing Texas Tech felt a lot like playing a game against your little brother when you were kids. The pint-size pain in the ass would talk sh*t all game long, yet complain to mom (a.k.a., the ref) whenever he'd start to lose. And after you'd thoroughly trashed his smack talking-ass, the little bastard would invariably run away with his middle finger extended yelling, "you suck, pick on someone your own size ya loser." And of course, on the rarest of occasions when mini-you would actually beat you at some game, he'd run around screaming until your mom agreed to dial long distance so he could do his best Al Michaels "do you believe in miracles" impression for Grandpa. Needless to say, just like playing the little bro, Texas Tech wasn't much fun and rarely ended well whether you won or not.

Now it's looking like the little Raider-red-headed stepchild is all grown up. Unlike in past years, Tech comes into the game undefeated and ranked in the Top 10. Most credit their high ranking to a soft schedule, but I think Coach Leach turned a corner last year against the Cal Bears and earned some respect for his program and his gimmicky, pass happy offense at the same time. Plus, the Red Raider defense is starting to come around too.

As for the game this Saturday, I think Texas just needs to play their game and they'll win. Yeah, I know, thank you Captain Obvious. But there's no secret to beating Leach's high-octane offense. You simply have to limit Tech’s possessions by running the ball and going on long, sustaining scoring drives that eat up big chunks of the clock. Problems arise when teams get behind and try to beat Tech by playing their game. You can't win a pissing contest with a prick, just ask Chris Simms.

Fortunately for Texas, Vince Young and the rest of the team leaders and coaches won't let that happen. They'll be ready. As for just how ready they'll be, you'll have to check out the...

In case any of you are still looking for some last minute ideas on what to write on your cardboard sign for Gameday...

Red Raider, Red Rover, Texas Tech bend over

UT welcomes the 2A State Champions to Austin

Coach Leach, can you touch your nose?

Hodges, your mom goes to college

Viagra says Tech can’t tear down my goalpost

Texas 56, Rivalry Refugees 27

Fowler, Corso and Herbstreet (E-S-PeoNs) are coming back to Austin (Dellville). The GameDay set built by The Home Depot (Black & Decker set erecter) will be located inside the Mike Myers Track Stadium (does my javelin make you horny?), which is across the street (look both ways before you drink) from Royal-Memorial Stadium ("we must protect this house"). The area (look for a "sign") designated for the fans (Longhorns unlimited) opens at 8am (Stampede!). Afterwards head back over to San Jac and 18th (take it downtown) for the tailgate party (needa fajita?). Whittemore and the gang (Righteous Dudes) will have the beer trailer (no last call on that U-Haul) and BBQ smoker ("that thing got a Hammy") in the usual spot (fear change). My sources also tell me (thanks to my street cred) that the tailgate will also feature a Bloody Mary Bar (the more the "Mary-er" I say). And of course, don't forget to chip in (use your wedge wisely) a couple bucks to help out with the parking fees (this ain't Monopoly fool).

ESPN Zones radio show hosts interviewing UT baseball coach Augie Garrido...

ESPN: Coach, you should come to our live radio show before the game this Saturday. It's at Scholz's starting at 9am.
Coach: Are people really drinking at 9am?

ESPN: Oh yeah.
Coach: But the game is at 2:30pm, do you guys provide stretchers?

Coach: Wow, they (UT fans) must be professionals.



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