Texas 37, Iowa State 14

How appropriate that a "head-for-the-exits" thunder storm interrupted the Horns 37-14 win over the Cyclones. As for myself, instead of hanging out under the concrete reinforced stadium I headed for the much safer circus tent known as the Endzone Club to ride out the storm with my friend Bud Light. Isn't it amazing how the threat of a natural disaster seems less ominous when you're already 3-sheets to a gale-force wind. Of course not much matters when you're wearing a pink "I'm legal and loving every minute of it" drinking wristband and holding a 16oz beer bottle that NASA apparently constructed out of an indestructible titanium alloy. I think these new bottles have been around for a while and I've got to say, you've got to love a beer bottle that can take a direct hit and still be cool and refreshing at the same time. Thanks, Bud.

As for the game, it was another example of a decent team coming into Austin and finding out what it's like to mess with Texas' four straight Top 10 recruiting classes. On paper, Iowa State looked pretty formidable: Experienced QB who could run and pass, dread-locked running back (always useful), a 6'5" burner at wide-receiver, and a senior-laden offensive line. But when Iowa State put two straight scores on the board to close within two, it reminded me of that scene from Rocky IV when the Russian boxing coach got tired of watching Ivan Drago toy with Apollo Creed so he dropped his fist giving the roided-up Ruskie the sign to drop an aging Apollo like a bad habit. I can just imagine Mack Brown looking at his players and saying, "Enough, finish it." And so they did with a combination of steady zone-read runs and lateral passing plays on offense and constant pressure and a couple of much-anticipated picks on D. I wouldn't say Texas necessarily out-played ISU...I'd say they out-talented the Cyclones. But hey, we'll take it. On to the...

Rarely do I get embarrassed (yet people are always telling me they're embarrassed for me...people are so nice), but it's hard to keep a straight face when a coworker or acquaintance asks me who the mighty Longhorns are playing this week. "Why, that would be the Sam Houston State Bearkats," I tell people with my best "oh yeah, those pesky Bearkats, better watch out" face. To which their reply is usually something like, "No, but seriously, who is Texas playing this week?" Or the more incredulous, "What the hell is a Bearkat?" You got me. All I know is that if that Jack Hanna dude ever figured out how to mate a Grizzly with a Tiger, the foreplay alone would be about 1,000 times more entertaining than the game this Saturday.

There's just no way to justify playing a D-1AA team when you're the defending National Champion. To put it in perspective, we beat North Texas by 50, North Texas beat SMU by 20 and SMU beat Sammy State by 30. So how much will the Horns win by...

Longhorn Scout Team 77
Teddy Bearkats 0

Though yours truly will not be there (54Bye-week), I have been assured from credible sources (Fo' real) that there will in fact be a tailgate (True dat) before the Sam Houston State game (Break Me Off A Piece Of That Bear-Kit-Kat). Kick-off is set for 6pm (The night time is the right time) and the game will only be televised on Pay-Per-View (I’d rather purchase Naughty Nurses IV) which our hosts are purchasing for the Tailgate TV (It's not TV, it's H-BEVO). So if you've got nothing better to do this Saturday (like going to Bed, Bath, & Go Flush Yourself), head down to the corner of San Jacinto and 18th (Five-One-Duece, represent) for a few cold ones and a bite to eat (Yummy, yummy, yummy, I got beer in my tummy).

And in case you're curious (like a Cat Osterman), yes, the 30 or so guys (Dorks with sporks) from Rainbird Commercial Irrigation were invited (Welcome Rain-nerds) to the tailgate before the Iowa State Game (Speaking of rain) and gave a sizable donation ("You want to rent me, are you high?") for the honor of joining the tailgate ("I think you've irrigated one too many lawns"). I spoke to Whittemore and the gang (Van Wilder Party Planners) and they said the proceeds (Lunch Money) were used to help cover expenses ("It's hard out here for a pimp"), not turn a profit ("Hoes got to eat too"). This was simply an experiment (Like beer and Benadryl?) and they have no plans to do it in the future (Or do they?). Tailgating may look like a lot of fun (with your pants on), but it's not free (Freedom's just another word for nothing left to booze). So please keep the donations coming (They'll tap the keg if you tip the jar).

Texas Tech Head Coach Mike Leach on A&M's Corps of

"How come they get to pretend they are soldiers? The thing is, they aren't in the military. I ought to have Mike's Pirate School. The freshmen, all they get is the bandana. When you're a senior, you get the sword and skull and crossbones. For homework, we'll work pirate maneuvers and stuff like that."

Sounds like a rivalry to me.



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