Texas 63, Baylor 31


Surprise! The score after the first 15 minutes last Saturday night: Baylor 10, Texas 0. The first quarter deficit was just one of many signs Longhorns players and fans alike weren’t exactly taking the 29-point underdog Bears all that seriously...


10) Traded your game ticket to some dude for “one red paperclip.”

9) So concerned about UT’s weakening SOS in the BCS, you bolted for OU to clap your hands, rub them together and fix Adrian Peterson’s collarbone Mr. Miyagi-style.

8) Figured the “I-35 Surprise” was another traffic jam and stayed home.

7) Watched the MacGyver Marathon on TNT instead because you’re still boycotting TBS for starting every show five minutes after the hour.

6) Opted to crash a dry wedding reception to show those Baptists why dancing sober is just wrong.

5) Took Selvin Young’s responsorial proclamation to CJ Wilson’s trash talking to heart and punched a Baylor DB in the mouth. (Sorry, that was supposed to be for “Signs Limas Sweed Was Taking Baylor A Little Too Seriously.”)

4) Snuck a flask full of Nyquil into the stadium.

3) Simply broke school record for touchdown passes instead of smashing it.

2) Stopped at a “Steak’n Shake” on the way back from Bevo XIII’s funeral.

1) Gave up a 67-yard touchdown on Baylor’s first offensive play from scrimmage because you bit on a play-action pass by a team who can’t run the ball.

After the Horns 63-31 romp of the Bears, it looks like the “I-35 Surprise” turned out to be nothing more than the Guy Pride Parade. But seriously, I give Coach Guy Morriss a lot of credit for turning the Baylor program around. And even though cornerback CJ Wilson’s pregame soliloquies and quarterback Sean Bell’s horns-down hand gestures during the game didn’t amount to much more than a fart in the wind, I’m glad to see those guys refusing to accept their lot in the Big XII laying down. This is a football program that went a couple of years without even winning one conference game. When Coach Morriss took over, there was literally nothing left to lose. And while I don’t endorse changing the mindset of a losing program with classlessness, it’s better than taking the attitude that they expect to lose because they’re “just a little, religious school in Waco with no resources and no dancing allowed.” Whether you agree with their tactics or not, make no excuse about it, that team that Texas outscored like 4,000 to 3 in the last five years put 31 points on the defending national champs. That’s no joke and it wouldn’t surprise me if the Bears are competitive in the rest of their conference games, especially against A&M and OU (sans Peterson) who they play at home.

As for the Horns, I think it’s pretty easy to chalk this one up to one of those OU hangover games. There was bound to be some kind of letdown after winning a game that’s meant everything for so long now. And while there’s been a lot of fuss about the slow start and ineptitude of the UT secondary, I’ve got a feeling the Horns will be just fine going into the...

Two schools of thought concerning the game in Lincoln:

1. The Longhorns are still the dominant team in the Big XII and even a resurgent Nebraska team is no match for Texas’ talent
2. Nebraska’s Big Red Machine is back and when you add in Coach Callahan’s offensive prowess, the weather, the home field advantage, and the 11am start time, the Cornhuskers are more than capable of knocking off the Horns

My guess is reality is somewhere in between. I certainly don’t think the Horns are going to walk into Lincoln and blow the Huskers out, but given the talent and level of play of late, I don’t think there’s any reason why the Horns can’t win and win convincingly. If the Longhorns main weakness is pass defense, I’d imagine Nebraska’s passing attack will be somewhat held in check by UT’s pass rush and the cold, rainy conditions. On the other side of the ball, UT can run the ball behind that powerful line and they’re certainly no stranger to short and intermediate passes that can go for big yardage against NU’s inexperienced secondary. About the only thing that concerns me is the 11am start time, but if the cold and the rain don’t get the Horns attention, I’ve not doubts an early deficit on the scoreboard will. This should be a fun game to watch and might just be a preview of the Big XII Championship to be played in KC in early December. So who’s going to win, on to the...

In honor of my second road trip to the nations bread basket, I figured it was only appropriate that I once again consult the most popular prognostication
publication out there for this weeks prediction - that's right, the "Farmer's Almanac." According to these agro-american prophesiers, it's widely believed that when the moon occupies a particular place in the Zodiac, it signifies the time for achieving the best possible results in regards to certain “farming” activities. Following are the "Best Days of the Month" for:

- Harvesting the crop (1st, 22nd, 25th)
- Planting Corn, Beats and Kale (Every other Friday)
- Planting Kale, Beats and Corn (On Leap Year Day)
- Planting your seed (Every day, except when she's on a bye week)
- Canning Fruits, Yardbirds and Squirrels (Summer Solstice)
- Choking the chickens (Every hour on the hour)
- Packing fudge (Only on a full moon)
- Propositioning your sister (Anytime, incest is best, put her to the test)
- Propositioning your State Fair winning pig (Wintertime, when you’re loneliest)
- Shucking the corn (November 21, 2006)

Texas 35
Corn Niblets 21

If you're a fan of college football road trips (You had me at hello), then tops on your list of destinations has to be Lincoln, Nebraska (Is it NU?). Not only are the Cornhusker fans known for their hospitality (Stay classy), but game days in Lincoln are always a blast (They’re Cornographic) because all the good restaurants/bars (Crazy delicious) are located within walking distance of the stadium (The Corn Field) in a section of town called the "O" District (Oh, are they?). Plus, everything is easy to find (Map it before you tap it) because all the streets running north and south are numbered (Conspiracy?) and all the streets running east and west are lettered (It’s like Sesame street...with beer). If you’re going to game (Huck the Cornfuskers) and looking to party with Longhorns fans (Texans never die, they multiply), you’ll most likely find them as well as myself at these two places (Take door #3):

1) Sidetrack Tavern is located at 9th and O Streets (You wanna see my oh face) and it’s considered THE bar (it’s busy fo shizzy) to drink at on Friday nights (Drunk after dark) before games. Emcees Joyce and Paul (Music teacher duo) tell jokes and sing raunchy songs (Porn on the cob) for all to enjoy. Visiting fans are welcome (to a warm glass of shut the hell up) for some good-natured ribbing (for her pleasure). Stay alert for free shots (I'm your Huckleberry) and arrive reasonably early (for premature intoxication) if you don't want to stand in line (Got Flash-pass?).

2) Barry's is at 9th and P Street (Pee Street, ha-ha) and it’s considered THE bar (It’s Barry good) to drink at before and after the game (Come here often?). Barry’s is famous for its cavernous back room (The Corn Hole) equipped with wall-sized projection TVs (Barry the Cable Guy Gets’er done). Fight songs from either team's fans (Full-contact choirs) may break out at any time (You better pack a lunch) and Nebraska’s Memorial Stadium is only four blocks away (Go the distance).

On the Big XII coaches weekly conference call with the media...
“Does (online) gambling hurt the integrity of college football?” - Reporter
“I don’t know, does betting on roosters hurt the integrity of cockfighting?” - Mike Leach, Texas Tech

“Did you see the weather forecast for the Nebraska game...freezing cold and raining.”
“Yeah, I’m going to wear a sleeping bag to the game in case any hot chicks get hypothermia. Nude up and hop in, that’s my motto.”



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